Hello Everyone - Advice much appreciated

[alisonchimes]

Hi there,

My name is Alison. I'm a mum of a 22 month old daughter and am expecting my second child in 4 weeks. I am starting to feel rather overwhelmed with the task ahead and thought i'd register to chat to other mum's in the same situation.

Has anyone got any tips on ways to make the transition easier for their oldest child. Also, my daughter is showing all the signs of being ready for potty training, however all the books and websites tell you to hold off when a sibling is imminent. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks :laugh:

[Squishymama]

Hi Alison, and welcome.

I am afraid I only have one little one, so cannot be of much help to you, but there are lots of people on here who I am sure can offer you some great advice.

Look forward to chatting with you. :kisshands:

[alisonchimes]

Hi Squishymama,

Thanks for your message. Its great to know other people are online at the same time. Hopefully I'll get some good advice soon. I've got a few friends with babies , but none are at the same stage as me or have a sibling on the way. Very exciting but a little daunting too. I had the best year off with my first daughter and I hope that this coming year will be equally fun. I've finished work now so it all seems very real again now.

Take care

[friendlybaby]

Hi.

My oldest was 21-22 months old when my youngest was born. It was absolutely THE most hard work ever for the first six months (though Friddy, the baby, was poorly throughout the time, so maybe it isn't always quite so hard), but after that once the baby started interacting more and being more interesting to Edmund (the older one) things got much easier. It is absolutely fantastic now. Friddy was two at the end of Feb, Edmund four in May, and they are best buddies. They play together all the time and look out for each other if there are other kids around.

Because Friddy was poorly for 6 months (resulting in me getting a maximum of 2 hours sleep if you add up all the stray minutes of sleep in every 24 hours for the first 6 months) I had to spend the vast majority of my time dealing with him. Their Dad didn't go anywhere near the baby for 6 months and used to tell me to shut him up. He does have a brilliant relationship with him now, but I'm sure you can tell that it really upset me at the time (we didn't know he was ill for about the first 3 months, so we almost thought it was just one hell of a grumpy baby!). Anyway, when their Dad was around he spent time with Edmund, leaving me to always deal with the baby. When their Dad wasn't around I'd try to spend some time with Edmund - just with Edmund - but it rarely worked out as the baby invariably screamed. This really hurt my relationship with Edmund and it has taken a long time to get it back to almost how it was. For a long time if he hurt himself he'd automatically ask for Daddy even if I was there much closer and able to help and that was really upsetting. I guess the moral of this story is try to spend as much one-to-one time with your toddler as you can, so they don't feel pushed out. I had intended this too, but even looking back, without the support of my hubby I don't see how I could have done anything differently.

Even if you do toilet train your daughter now, she may well revert as soon as the baby arrives. She'll see the baby getting lots of attention, and see the baby wears a nappy, and will want to be the same (not guaranteed, but highly likely). I do know of one person who toilet trained this close to the baby arriving and it was successful, and the little girl didn't revert after the baby arrived. The only thing that that Mum said was that it was quite awkward as the little girl couldn't always pull her trousers or tights down in time and if she was in the middle of breastfeeding it was really inconvenient. From that perspective she said that it would have been easier to leave it until the baby was a few months old and everything had settled down a bit.

Anyway, sorry for the essay, but I hope you find some of that useful!

[alisonchimes]

Hey,

Thanks so much for the advice. I am sorry things were so hard for the first six months when your second child arrived. It sounds terribly stressful. My daughter was quite poorly in her first six months too and was diagnosed with a milk intolerance and extreme reflux. I do hope the second will be smoother but I guess we'll have to wait and see. Thanks for the advice in potty training too. Perhaps it is best I wait another few months. It can't do any harm.

This weather really isn't good for a heavily pregnant lady! I checked the forecast and its due to stay for a week at least ins2

[Easties]

Hey there
My eldest was 2 and a half when my second son came along i did try and potty train him with success but when his brother came along he did kind of go back to baby mode for a while (which is totally normal)

I found giving him little jobs to help like taking the nappy out to the bin , getting me the wipes , helping with feeds worked wonders as it really made him feel like big brother and feel like he was involved and helping :kisshands:

[Scoots]

hello!

My first was 19 and a half months when number 2 came along and it was tough because similarly to friendlybaby my second had health problems which were misdiagnosed for 6-7 months however, at the time it didn't seem insurmountable.

I found at the beginning it wasn't too bad as the baby would sleep most of the time at the side of the room and my older one would love to go over and see him and check he was ok. They are now 2 years 5 months and 10 months and do love each other to bits. Our biggest problem has always been "too much love!" resulting in big squishy hugs! We haven't done potty training yet so no advice there!!

[Pink Tink]

:welcome1: