Woman waits on frozen embryo ruling

[Azzi]

http://www.wanadoo.co.uk/news/national/story.htm?articleid=L07566841&linkfrom=NEWS_UK&article=Womanwaitsonfrozenembryoruling&link=headline_1


How does everyone feel about this ?

[inchtwinkle]

its such a shame, but its hard, you can see it from both peoples points of view, thery are no longer together, and no longer in love so why should they have a child together, if he realy doean't like her, and if he doesn't really want kids,

But, she can no longer have kids and this is her only chance, and she will never have that joy of holding her baby,

all i know is that i wouldn't want to be in this womans shoes, ""cutey""b

[kathyhinsh]

I agree.........not fair if she can no longer have kids, but on the other hand it just doesn't seem right 4 her 2 use them

[Tinkabell]

I agree with the others.

But she could maybe adopt there are so many children out there that need a loving home, I know having your own child is very special but I think if she has all this love that she wants to give to a child why not give it to a child that really needs it.

[Sarah]

I think it's a fair decision. When she finds another partner she could try other methods of having a baby or adopting.

[xmisscx]

I dont think any of us can really comment on what we think is right and wrong in a situation like that. You dont know how you would feel if it was you in her shoes, or his shoes for that matter. Its a difficult one. I hope she can cope whatever the outcome. We cant just say there are plenty of kids out there who need love and there are other ways of having children....we say that because we've got our own and we're lucky enough not to be in her position.

[Sarah]

I think we can comment on what we think is ethically right in this case. I'm not commenting on her personal circumstances, I'm just commenting on whether I think the decision is a fair one, and I do. The law unfortunately can't change to fit each individual circumstance. That's not to say that I don't feel for her, or that I think it's very sad that those embryos will have to be destroyed but Azzi asked what we felt about this and I feel that it's the right decision.
If I were the partner of the man who's baby she wants to have I'm sure I would be against it too. You have to look further than what you think is right for just the woman and take into account the father's feelings and I think that's what the court has done.

[xmisscx]

Im not commenting on anything anymore. It always turns into a debate when I do. I gave my opinion same as everyone else...I wont be doing it again.

[Sarah]

I didn't take that as a debate I took it as your opinion. It's just that you said we can't comment and I was giving me opinion as to why I think we can. There's nothing wrong with a good debate anyway! We are all entitled to our opinions, and just because we don't agree doesn't mean that we shouldn't do it or should fall out about it.
Sarah x

[inchtwinkle]

Im not commenting on anything anymore. It always turns into a debate when I do. I gave my opinion same as everyone else...I wont be doing it again.
hunni, i do think your right in a way, but you do have a different look on things as you have been ttc and are now pg, theres nothing wrong with that, if anything i think you have a better way of seeing things than manybe we do, ""cutey""b

thats not to say i don't agree with some of what snowfairy has said, and i do think we have to look at the bigger picture, but erica what you said was spot on hunni

[Ravenfire]

Ive not spoken to Erica about this so Im not sure I am right in saying this but I read her post differently.

What I think she was trying to say is if we were in this ladies position then we would feel the same way she did. If for some reason I were unable to conceive but I knew a chance was available to me through the use of these frozen embryos then I would do everything I could to get my hands on them to be in with a chance of having a child. Unless you have experienced fertility problems I dont think you can even have an inkling about how desperate you can be to have a child and the lengths you would go to to have one.

Personally I think some agreement should be sorted out before hand in these cases to the effect that if the couple do split up can the embryos still be used or not, not left for them to have to fight it out afterwards.

[inchtwinkle]

i agree toni, i have been in a situation ttc, and it is such a painful time, and its true when its right there you will do anything, but i agree with your other point about having an agreement, maybe it sould be an option to draw up an contract as it were, when the woman agrees that at any point, if the partnership should disolve, and she wants to use her embryos, that the father has a say, or maybe they agree that if he wants nothing to do with it that mabe he is not liable for the child, and the baby is full responsability of the mother and the father not give any help, emotional of financial towards the mother, i think its a very complicated situation and you can see the kind of huge tim of worms it opens when you look at all the posibilities that there is

[Macaroni]

When they, as a couple, knew she would become infertile they underwent the ivf to give them hope of having a child which was biologically theirs in the future, as they expected they would be together forever.

Sadly the relationship broke down, but those embryos are the ONLY chance of her having a biological child , but he still has the opportunity of creating a child now.

I think it was the wrong descision


yes there is adoption and egg donation but its not the same as having the chance of your own child is it?

[Azzi]

Sadly this is something faced by women everyday, a relationship breaking down or the man changing his mind on having children unfortantly for this woman the embryos were in a lab and not implanted in her, its almost like making her have a abortion and I can only assume it will feel a little like that to her as well

To be honest I think it was heartless of the man to not allow it he will get the chance to father more children , generations of men have not had problems walking away from their unwanted children

I think the ruling was wrong and I feel for the woman for not getting the chance that millions of other women get each day, yes she can try a different route but its not the same really

I've never had a problem having children but I get upset that so many do and I wish i could do something to help

this is my view

[Macaroni]

Sadly its almost like making her have a abortion and I can only assume it will feel a little like that to her as well

To be honest I think it was heartless of the man to not allow it he will get the chance to father more children , generations of men have not had problems walking away from their unwanted children



aA different perspective but so true !!

[Ravenfire]

I guess he didnt want to be faced with a bill for childcare either for a child he didnt want.

[Azzi]

well in my experiance if men really don't want to pay they won't (less than £5 a month for 3 children !!! no really I am not bitter )

besides I think they could of come to an agreement stating she wouldn't chase him for payment

[Tinkabell]

I dont want to sound as though I am taking sides here, as this is a terrible situation for anyone to be put in and this is the only chance the woman has of being able to conceive a child. But I do believe there is two sides to this debate.

Maybe the man's decision is based on the fact that when he does become a father he wants to be a full-time dad and be an active parent in the childs life. This would be very difficult for him due to them no longer been together so he would probably be a weekend dad. I know lots of families have absent fathers but at the end of the day surely he has a say in what should happen. I don't think anything has been reported as to why he has made the decision not to allow the treatment to go ahead. If so please correct me.

I do agree the law should change regarding what should happen if a relationship breaks down.

I hope that made sense what I just wrote, I sort of know what I wanted to say but dont think I did it correctly.

[trai]

I can see both sides of this but i would have let her use the embryos, i've seen this woman on lots of interviews and she has always said that she is quite happy for him to have no financial involvement in the child's life. I think that there should be a rule when couples do this where they have to put down in writing what happens if they split up like the woman can use the embryos or they have to be destroyed.
i do feel sorry for both of them as this has dragged on a long time and the woman obviously was pinning all her hopes on a different outcome.

[Shiraz]

I honestly think the right decision has been made.

If it were myself i could see how upset i would be at not carrying my own child.

But her ex partner has the right not to father children with her now. Plus imagine how that child would feel in years to come..they may want to find the father and it's just not fair on either of them to deal with that.

And i ask myself how i would feel being a new partner or wife of her ex. If it were dp's ex wife wanting 'his' (i know it's hers too) but i would be devastated. I