Hi

[Azzy]

not a new member but an old member couldn't get into my old account due to changing emails and stuff so had to make a new one

don't know if anyone will remember me but i needed to come back i need people to talk to things have become really bad for me at the moment and I thought of you guys straight away as i have missed you so much

[Whassat]

OMG is that Azzi????? didn't you go to USA?????
whats been happening?

[smirnoff]

omg azzi!!!!! Hiya!!!

[Azzy]

i have reached crisis point, lost everything now and i mean everything

after putting up with the ex abuse for 10 years losing my mum and daughter when he left i thought i would be ok but i wasn't and i was too scared to ask for help, and now i have lost everything

[Seren]

Hi Azzi, I remember you.

sorry to hear your news, whats up

:kisshands:


(I used to be Mama B)

[Rainbowwitch]

Hello and sorry to hear your news.

[smirnoff]

oh hunni! what happened? do you want to talk about it?

[Azzy]

i really really want to talk about it but don't want to post in public forums about it

[smirnoff]

oh hun!

[Seren]

i really really want to talk about it but don't want to post in public forums about it

:kisshands:

not sure what to say hun, try the appropiate forum and go anon????

[storm35]

Dont think i know you but welcome to MZ so sorry to hear about your news, it must be awful for you, :kisshands::kisshands::kisshands:

[Milliebeth]

:kisshands:

[Azzy]

ok here goes nothing

I was with my husband for 10 yearish i already had the three boys, my ex was abusive emotionally, sexually and sometimes physically with me, he abused the kids emotionally and physically if they where old enough

I suffer from physical problems with my back and hips which sometimes make it far to painful to do housework while living with me he never helped and forced me to stay on income support because he liked having his own money to spend

6 years ish into the relationship I had an affair, the ex was coming in after work each night about 5 am and raping me i felt like a piece of meat so the first time i got a night out by myself and someone showed intrest i threw myself at them i felt like i had some worth i felt wanted i felt loved

so as a result of this we split up i felt so happy so free but after a few months i let the ex back in so now he had two new beating sticks a unfaithful wife and income support, he moved back in i rang up and requested a family tax credit form, no that was wrong i had to stay on income support no rent or council tax to pay then and besides i'd had an affair i deserved no better so i'd better behave or he would report me for benefit fraud still i should be grateful after all whoelse would want me with all these kids

several years passed 2 more kids came along one died to SIDS the other still here, he went away for lots of weekend yet i wasn't allowed to complain since i had an affair and he'd not even looked at another women since he met me (he must of had his eyes closed with all those ones he slept with then)

till finally he started slipping up michelle ... all those texts and calls on his mobile bill i asked him .. wrong thing to do shes just a friend .. just because you had an affair (6 years ago at this point) don't you trust me my mum had died at this point also my daughter but it took a while to sell my mums house when he had got enough of the money from me he vanished went off to live with this woman

well for a few days i was broken till i realised i could breath without his say so i could go out without his say so suddenly i felt free

but how wrong was I, he could get to me directly so he used family and friends to get to me so much so i didn't dare go to far because of the abuse i used to get, i managed to venture as far as my sisters when i had the car on the road it wasn't so bad once i had to walk i just felt terrified

so now two years on how am i doing well badly i have to say i let everything get ontop of me the neighbour was complaining to everyone about me council, housing ect i was getting too scared to put binbags in the garden because the neighbour complained to the council if i did, the dog has to be watched if she goes out just incase, i can't breathe i just want a break, i want to be able to live hes calling me all the time about the kids despite being told to go through a solicitor for contact because i am scared of what he will do with the kids

i get a letter telling me i am under caution for benefit fraud dating back to the time he lived here, i want to hang myself i can't see anyway out i know i did it illegally but i know he didn't give me any choice, i know its also him thats reported me the house is a mess i don't care my head is a mess i don't know what to do anymore

social services turn up and take the kids away my babies, places the girls with him despite protests from the kids and my brother they insist the girls have to go and stay with daddy, totally my fault ... i agree its either that or be arrest i am told what choice do i have ...

so now you see i have lost everything the house is spotless now but i don't feel that i will ever get my kids back i tried to protect them from daddy but now hes making out that i stopped him from seeing them

My eldest has been called a liar from social service because they offered me some help and i accepted, they claimed i refused he was there when it happened so tried to back me up and got told his opinions didn't matter

so call me a bad mother call me what you will i deserve it i have failed my kids and i feel terrible about that and theres nothing i can do to make it right

[Netty]

Hi Azzi - welcome back.

I'm sooo sorry you are having a bad time -dunno what to suggest but you know people here won't judge you.

[Azzy]

I hope not got enough people this end judging me :)

[Seren]

Azzi, words don't seem enough. I think you know that here you will have friends and people who can listen and try and help. None of us are perfect or have all the answers. I would recomens DWD, Dealing with depression I can't find the link but Suzi will have it. I guess you have to take each day as it comes and work on getting your babies back. Silly question have you been to the GP recently?

[lizzie]

Hi azzi

welcome back , what can i say were here for you we are'nt going to judge you !!! keep fighting for your kids.

[smirnoff]

omg hunni..
you dont need judging you need someone to talk to!

www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk is the link that seren mentioned to dwd.
Hunni have you seen a doctor?

[Azzy]

yes already on anti depressants have been for ages

well after the weekend and a few people helping the house is almost spotless tho i now have no carpets left, need to buy all the kids new matteress bedding ect .. be nice to know where the moneys coming from for all this lol

going to try and contact some charities ect to see if they can help or point me in the direction of someone who can

[Seren]

:kisshands:

keep fighting

[Whassat]

OMG Azzi, what a mess.
join your local freecycle for beds, carpets, most things really, whats the procedure now for getting your kids back? do ss not know what type of man (monster) your ex is? obviously not if the girls are with him!.
concentrate on getting your kids back, the rest is second best, im so sorry you've been through all of this, well done for getting the house sorted.
and its really good to see you back here xx

[smirnoff]

I also highly recommend freecycle.

Did you tell SS everything?

[Girlzmum]

Hi Azzi - I remember you (Its Colette!) hows your youngest doing now, our dd's are the same age! As for everything that is going on - have you been to the CAB for help with finances? Freecycle is a brilliant way to get things for the house.

[kathyhinsh]

Hi hun, welcome home x

[Azzy]

thanks all, and no i hadn't told SS everything, hadn't told them about the way the ex was with me and the children, was kinda out of sight out of mind and for a while i was doing ok,

I've refused to have direct contact with my ex because i don't think i can go back there, hes already playing mind tricks i asked my brother to act as a go between to arrange contact my brother spent the weekend waiting for the ex to ring him to sort out contact which he didn't so we found out his mobile number and my brother sent him a text saying he would be picking the girls up at 10 am the next day and for the ex to send him a email if there was any problems


so we waited and heard nothing untill i checked my email, email addy i had been very careful to not let the ex or anyone that i felt may pass it on to the ex have

at about 3pm there was a email from my eldest daughter, 3 hours later there was a email from him




After the allegations that have been made to the police about me I am not prepared to communicate with or have anything to do with your brother, as I feel that to do so would leave me open to further allegations of inappropriate behaviour.

I want the girls to see you and the boys asap however;

i) I will only communicate with you or Social Services.
ii) I want access to be supervised in a controlled environment for at least the immediate future.


Understand, I want you to see the girls but I am not prepared to negotiate with you on these points, our daughters welfare is my only concern and I am not prepared to compromise that for anything.

Would you also please consider removing the bar on your phone so that the girls could speak to you? I hope you recieved the pictures that they sent.


now my brother has voiced his concerns to the social worker about the ex and shes also heard from the three boys about what he used to do, my brother never spoke to the police that was my eldest son as the girls being taken to the ex house has upset him greatly as he knows what the ex was like

I feel the email is a attempt by him to control me again, hes not stopped for the past two years trying everyway possible to get in but i have blocked his number, slammed the door in his face and changed email address

all my family have raised concern with social workers, independantly from me most of them didn't know the ex was like he was inside the house but they had concerns from what they saw anyway

the social worker said they had no concerns over me seeing the girls but it was just not allowed to be at my house, it didn't need to be supervised and she repeated that several times to make sure i was clear on that point, so how the hell does he think he can demand I have supervised access to my children when he was the abusive partner and father

[Azzi]

weeee got my old account back thank you raven for sorting that out for me :party05:

[kathyhinsh]

YaY!!!

[Seren]

weeee got my old account back thank you raven for sorting that out for me :party05:

:kisshands: