Two things have really made me cross!

[avilo]

First up. Friendships. I have a friend (term now applied very losely) who I have not seen or spoken to since March. It used to me who phoned or visited her, but, I realised that she only ever contacted me when she was actually interested in my money, ie if she was holding a 'party' of some sort, Pampered Chef, Candles, Virgin Vie... you get the idea. Well, I am now about 7 weeks from giving birth and I got a message on my phone. 'Hi, just wondering how you are, have not seen you for a while. Also, I am working again now (she does massage and is a beauty therapist) so give me a call if you want to book in'!:angry: She may as well have phoned and asked to leave a message for my money or credit card. Sadly, though I KNOW this is the only reason she ever rings, I still feel let down that she did not really ring to see how I am.

Second. My Parents. I feel that they are neglecting my children in favour of my nephew. We live about 100 miles from them, however. They have him to stay every weekend. Every single one. As I have two children all ready and a third on the way there is no room for us at their house so we cant visit that often. They dont come here, unless they bring him as he is with them all the time. They have a camper van/mobile thing which they go off in lots. They have had it nearly 18 months and NOT ONCE have they taken my DD with them. Yet, three times in the last 4 weeks they have been somewhere in it, with my nephew. They know this is upsetting me, as now they dont even say they are going, or that he is with them if I phone them when they are away. He usually gives the game away by asking who is on the phone. It really makes me feel that my children and being let down and dont matter as much to them as my nephew. It is getting to the stage where I feel I may just 'blurt' all this hurt and anger out, which wont be productive at all but, it is getting harder and harder not too.

Sorry, for the long post but, I started and couldnt stop (well, actually, this was the first point where I could stop, I feel I could write reems and reems more, but....)

[smirnoff]

Oh hunni!
Have you spoken to your "friend" about it? What about your parents? is it worth asking them why? Does your nephew live very close to them?

[moomin]

I know you say you're scared of blurting it all out to them, but that's maybe what's needed. You need to clear the air and ask them why they don't take your kids. Alright it would be tricky for you to all stay together, but could they not have one of the kids on their own and change them around so they all get to go?
I would be feeling just like you in that situation, but I think you need to have a word.

[Katiequiggle]

Crikey I wouldn't dare blurt it all out to my parents, my brother tried that once and it caused no end of trouble and rows in the family.

I also have a nephew who can do no wrong, he's wonderful, and polite and shakes dads hand when he arrives and again when he leaves, you should teach Joe to do that Kate, it would really show what a polite boy he is and he's old enough now, and Oh Kate, you should see what Jack made, oh he's so clever, and Oh Kate, he's so good, he sits there and never asks for a thing, he'll watch a film or play on the computer and you really don't know he's there. And Oh Kate, you should see Jacks school report, he's top of the class in every subject, and Oh Kate, I gave him some sweets the other day when he was here and he said, oh I don't know if I'm allowed these because Mum said I've had sweets this week already, so he didn't eat them, he's so good.

I usually get this after my two have been there with me for a few days and behaved like normal children.

I also get Oh Kate you should see Debbies house, its lovely, you'd love it, you should see what she's done in the dining room, she's so clever, you should go and see it next time you're here, and theres not a speck of dust anywhere. Oh its so lovely. Oh Janets so clever, you should see what she made, she won the best garden award this year too, Oh Kate you should see it, its lovely, and Jack planted some of the flowers too, he's so good, such a lovely boy.

And then I get. Oh Beckys got into University for Art and Design, Oh she's fabulous, Oh you should see her work Kate, she's top of the class, I don't think they'll be much they can teach her at uni, theres nothing she can't do. And Jazzy is applying for uni too for next year, Business study and economics is her thing, she's so brilliant Kate, how is Joe doing now?

I just can't compete with my sisters in law, and I don't expect my children to compete with their cousins and I have come to the point that whatever I or the children do it will never be good enough for my Mother, she doens't have my children to stay anymore because they are obviously not as good as Jack who is 12 days younger than Abbie, and I am determined never to dust before she arrives again, because however much I dust she will always fine something to run her finger over.

So chill about it, don't let it get to you, I learnt long ago that I was never going to live up to her expectations. I'm happy with me and as far as I'm concerned thats all that matters.

[diddlepops]

This may all sound completely irrelevant but I was the child in this situation. My brother and I couldn't do anything right in my grandparent's eyes but my cousin was the dogs u-no-wots! It was the same with my dad and his brother. We never got taken anywhere by our grandparents but Sarah did and we never got as much as a pat on the back when we achieved so much but Sarah got financial and emotional support. My grandad died 3 years ago and its my dad and me that do all the looking after of my nan and she is so ungrateful even now but if Sarah comes to cook her egg and chips once a week or if my Uncle actually bothers to shift his lazy ass from Brixham (where he buggered off to so he didn't have to take part in the caring of his parents) we never hear the end of it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that your children will see your family for themselves as they get older. I ended up in a great job and have a lovely hubby and three fab kids and my brother is Head of Faculty at a great school and has a lovely wife and we both have great homes that we have worked hard for. We didn't miss out because of our grandparents is what I am trying to say. We made our lives with or without them and I guess if your kids are getting loads of love from you and your OH then they don't need "spoiling" from anyone else to know that they are loved.

None of this really makes sense but it might help?

Hugs :kisshands:

[Katiequiggle]

No it does make sense Ru and you are totally right, thats why I have given up listening to it all now.