Would this annoy/upset you

[anonymous]

Firstly, sorry for going anon but don't really want dh to read this.

Ok, my inlaws live next door to us and you would think, as compensation for that, that we would come in for all sorts of offers of help etc.

But, the kids have now been off school for Easter hols for 2 weeks and we have not seen them. At all. MIL comes over to talk to the dog through the gate every day but has not even rung me to see how the children are! I have recently had a baby and it would've been nice to have had an offer to look after the baby so I could take the two older ones out, but nothing!

They have never, ever taken the two eldest ones out for a day so maybe I shouldn't be surprised about the last 2 weeks but I thought maybe now I've had another baby it might have been different.

I didn't have my kids for someone else to look after them but it would be nice for the kids to spend some time with their grandparents. In fact, it would be nice for me to be invited over for a cuppa and some company.

How would you feel?

[diddlepops]

Yes it blimming would annoy me. Its hard work when the kids are on school hols and it would be nice to have some help now and again. My parents don't live that close but not once have they offered to give me a break and have my three. They have had DD1 on her own but not the other two and sometimes, I feel pretty resentful about it. I shouldn't because they are very good but it does pee me off that they will have one but not the other!

If you are like me though, you seethe in silence and never ask them to have them!

Hugs babe :kisshands:

[anonymous]

I suppose if I asked them then they would have them but why should I?

My dad is good, he did take the eldest 2 to the cinema last week but he's 70 and its just him as my mum has passed away.

Its just when I saw MIL feeding our dog some tasty titbit through the gate earlier that it riled me a bit, thats all!

[Katiequiggle]

I have to agree with you on this one. I mean no one should expect their inlaws to take on the kids but I would be very hurt if my in laws didn't want to see the kids or me, especially if they lived next door. Mine can be a bit funny at times, offering to have them when it suits them rather than it would be handy but they are getting better itms.

Have you tried asking, they may be very aware that they are next door and that you might think they are interfering so it might be that they are waiting to be asked. Did they move next door to you or did you move next door to them.

[CarerQuie]

I agree with Katiequiggle.xx

[josfab]

yep, would annoy me too. Our nearby grandparents see babe all the time, take her places and babysit if asked (not very often of course!) and the further away ones phone a lot and are sorry they can't see them more. Perhaps it's the proximity makes them feel different. Maybe you should pop round or just send the older ones round sometime - if they're old enough to just 'pop' - tomorrow. Or next time you're sure they're in!

[missymum22]

wooooooooooooo are you me 5 years ago?????

i had exactly the same thing, 1 grandson and he was adored ...IF we went round there, he was treated like shit though and called names, they said jokingly but it shouldnt have been said.

we asked nan to babysit once, we went to the cinema, one of the first times we had been out in 18 months, when we came home littlun was upstairs crying and nan and uncles and aunt were all screaming and shouting downstairs at each other!!!!!

suffice to say they didnt babysit again,

BUT when number 2 came along my eldest got totally ignored! i mean imagine him, 28 months old an apple of 3 uncles an aunt a nan and grandad eyes (when it suited them),,,all bloody walk past him to see the new baby without even acknowledging he was there!!!!

we moved out 4 years ago and havent spoken to them since,

[sanjan]

my 2 only have regular contact with my mum now

when my stepdad was alive the pair loved to see them and take them out and have them overnight etc
they inlaws don't see a lot of them partly to distance but that is their choice

and with my dad and stemother they hardly know him as they live quite a distance from and the last couple of meetings did not go to well so they are not bothered

I used to joke about the grandparent pecking order when my stepdad was alive
which was
1. my mum and stepdad
2. the inlaws
3. my dad and stepmum

my stepfather died 6 years ago and it has not changed a bit as they still mention him occasionaly and how they miss him

with your inlaws it will be their loss as they get older as children pick up on theses things an act accordingly to the people involved

[*debbie*]

they sound like my Mil! but i dont complain, the less i see of her the nicer life is :kisshands: ""cutey""b

[Purplecat]

my MIL comes over every week, one thursday she works so can only pop in for an hour or so, once a fortnight she comes down longer, this week so I could get ready to go out, but in 2 weeks time she's gonna start coming earlier so I can go swimming on my own, get some exercise, relieve the pain in my hips and have a break from the kids (who I love to pieces but really couldn't manage to take with me, she doesn't swim so she WON'T come with)

so yes, if they lived next door I would be really upset, they also take me shopping and we go to slimming world together (but god know, I couldn't live with her)

[mothermayi]

that would really be annoying to me as well. have you tried having your dh say something to them? not something blunt as you dont come over enough and offer help, but something more like hey mum, dad, we are having movie night tonight, come on over...or hey the kids made a present for you (even if its a crayon drawing) and want you to see it....or have the kids right them a letter (dear g&g, would you come over and play with us?) and send it by post (or have the kids run and put it in their mailbox), not to point out anything, just to be fun and playful to get them to play along...or, if they are in fact worried they are going to smother you with their proximity (very very possible) maybe you should just have him say hey guys, we love having you right here all the time, so make sure to pop in every once in a while (they ARE his parents, he should not be afraid of such!) if he does not know how to you feel about the situation yet and you would feel uncomfortable asking him to say something, then i suggest you do hint at the fact (to him) that you feel a little ignored by them. maybe lightly suggest hey dh, maybe your mom wouldnt mind sittign for the babe today while we go to the park (tailored to the situation of course). i know it may feel like they are ignoring you, but being right next door i would imagine, being inlaws, they are trying not to suffocate you with your family. they most likely assume with you so close, that if you wanted company or some help, that their son would say so!

hope you get this worked out soon!

[Vixter]

I would be so upset if my MIL didn't want to spend time with by daughter. My daughter is 9 and epileptic and as a side affect suffers from a little hyperactivity. I live over 200 miles away from my own mum and my MIL more than makes up for it. She takes my daughter to school most mornings and even does voluntary work with me every week. My FIL can be a bit of a pain in the behind but since my dad died 3 yrs ago he has been ok.

I am open and honest with my in laws and if they do something I don't agree with i will tell them and they do the same to me. they are great

[loub]

I agree with mothermayi it may well be they are trying to keep their distance so as not to sufficate you. I will also depend on how the family as a whole interact - maybe this is the norm. I would invite them over for a cuppa and get to know them better and then gradually and lightly ask for some sitting time

[sab_100]

My inlaws do bugger all but thankfully they now live overseas but its painful beyond belief when they are here. I got used to just ignoring the comments or lack of support years ago. I hope you sort it out tho hun as they are so near you. x