Hello and a question

[darkpixie]

Hello.
I'm new here and I'm really happy to have found an attachment parenting forum!!
I have a 5 month old baby boy called Rowan and so far we're kind of going down the 'ap' route, which was completely accidental as I wasn't going to co-sleep but Rowan wouldn't settle in his moses basket so I took him into the bed with me to breastfeed and we both fell asleep and I've never looked back! The moses basket is now too small for him so has been put into storage and was never slept in :laugh:

I LOVE him sleeping next to me, but I do have a question... Rowan has only ever slept in the bed or in my (or hubbie's) arms. I can't put him down at all, even for naps in the daytime as he wakes up right away and won't settle until he's picked up and cuddled back to sleep. In the evenings, he normally falls asleep at 9 ish and I have to admit that it would be nice to be able to put him down and for him to stay asleep without needing to be cuddled and/or suckling. I often end up going to bed with him when I'd rather be up a bit later, as he wakes up when he can't feel me / find me next to him!
When I've asked other people about this, I normally get told that I'm "making a rod for my own back" and that I should let him cry it out and he'll get used to sleeping alone until I go to bed a bit later. Obviously I don't want to do this... so I was after some suggestions and thoughts on the matter please?!
Thanks

[duck_egg]

i'm not really too clued up on ap hun, but do you have a sling? his daytime naps could then be spent asleep next to you while you get on with other things.....same for bedtime, maybe after falling asleep in the sling he'd go down on his own??? not sure really but keep at it if it feels right to you, only you know whats best for you and rowan so ignore others comments, from what i've heard and read ap is the way forward!!! xxx

[brooklyn]

You're not making a rod for your back, you're bringing up a self-confident child.

What you're describing makes me think of my experience with dd, she needed a lot of help to go to sleep, it would take me forever! I think it's in her nature, she still doesn't like sleeping but she's a really good sleeper now. I believe it's because we haven't made it an issue.

There is a book I found really helpful called the No cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley

hth

[jmsze5]

my youngest son was the same,but now at the aged of nearly 3 he can go to sleep with out being breastfed or being cuddled.he doesnt even always sleep in my bed,his cot is attached to the side of my bed so its up to him.the no cry sleep solution book is good and worth a read.slings are very useful for through the day.i often used mine to get my youngest for a sleep and still do,she is now 20 mth.
5 month isnt very old and he will settle once he gets older

shelley

[darkpixie]

Thanks for your comments ladies. I'll have a read of the no-cry sleep book. I've just read 'three in a bed' which i found very reassuring! It's lovely to hear some words of support as usually I hear about my friends' babies who are going through the night and drop off for naps alone in their cots!! Although that's not what I want for Rowan, sometimes I think 'am I doing the right thing?'. However, on the positive side of things ~ I get plenty of sleep and R rarely cries ~ which is more than can be said for quite a few of my friends!! :D

[jmsze5]

that is a plus isnt it.im a single parent and found co sleeping,breast feeding and baby wearing fitted perfectly into my life,maybe even made it easier.i know a few of my friends who raise they children different to my ways and they cant believe how well it can work.

[littlelisa]

Gosh, that "rod for your own back" phrase comes up again and again... interesting that its connotation are of slavery and mastery - as though parents are either wielding the rod or suffering from it! What an awful idea!! I'm still pregnant with my first, and when I tell people we're planning to co-sleep, that's the sentiment that comes up over and over. What I liked most about "Three in A Bed" was that it really takes a stand on the point that we can trust our instincts on this stuff, and not get bullied by the rod brigade.

[TinaRychlik]

I had my first one in the sling aaaalll the time:D It is great! I was just thinking...if you want a bit of time for yourself maybe your lo can go to sleep in the same room where you are. He just wants to be reassured that you are nearby and he can hear your voice. Maybe it's an idea to create a comfy corner where you are so he can play and hopefully nodd off when tired. I certainly don't mean that he should be left in there all day :no::no:
It is much more difficult to think about something for him to fall asleep (and stay asleep) in the evening without you :unsure: I would probably be tempted to make him fall asleep in the sling or next to you in bed and when he is sleeping you could put a t-shirt on a pillow close to him that smells like you. Is that an idea? I'm sorry for being useless here :p::::
Good luck!

[Fudge Cake]

Have you got a V pillow??

Both of my children have slept in bed with me on the v pillow as both suffer with reflux and have trouble when laid flat on the back.

Im thinking maybe when he goes to sleep at 9 a v pillow maybe handy as you can lay him in the middle with a bit each side so he may feel secure like you are cuddling him when your not itms?

[darkpixie]

I do have a V pillow that I use for feeding, so that may be worth a try. It's mainly the evenings when I'd like to be able to put him into bed and then go back downstairs for a while and spend some time with hubbie ~ holding Rowan 24/7 doesn't leave any time for intimacy!!
xx

[Justenuff]

Hi Darkpixie

firstly congrats on your little boy it sounds like he's loving attachment! :D

Have you got/read The Baby Book by Dr & Nurse Sears? It's a comprehensive AP guide and deals with how babies sleep and gives several ways of helping baby get to and stay asleep.

One of the key points Dr Sears makes is that when babies look like they're asleep they're only in light sleep so often wake up then. As they get older these periods of light sleep should become less frequent meaning in theory that once you've got over the first period of light sleep you should then have a couple of hours before the next time when baby is likely to stir and notice you're gone. It may be worth trying this over several nights - to do your regular sleep routine but once Rowan is in deep sleep (ie no more facial movements and his limbs are floppy) you should then be able to get away and have some time with your OH.

Another thing is to get a friend or relative to take him out for an hour or two - I find that with Isaac he's a sling tart and as long as he's carried he's happy to go with anyone (as long as he's been fed etc).

There are other sleep techniques that Sears suggests that I think you would find useful but they're too many to list... not sure if they're on the Dr Sears website?

[darkpixie]

Well it's been a while since I posted, but I've had some success with getting Rowan to sleep in the bed (without me next to him) in the evenings. Basically, I take him up to bed when he's showing sleepy signs and feed him to sleep. Once he's in a deep sleep, I unlatch him (or he unlatches himself) and I creep out. He was staying asleep for a few hours before I'd have to go up and repeat the process, but for the past few weeks teething and a chesty cough have meant we've regressed!!!

Anyway, I have a new question, that the HV asked me today!! What happens when he starts crawling? We've got a bed guard, but obviously that doesn't go all the way around our king size bed! How do I leave him safely asleep in the bed?? She also said that he really should be able to settle himself to sleep by now, but i ignored that one!!! I love the way she always says "he is your baby, BUT..." lol. xx

[Justenuff]

well firstly good on you for ignroing the 'he should be able to settle himself' comment 20061008 It's more natural to comfort a baby to sleep than to expect them to be independent at such a young age.

As for crawling - it depends on your baby. My LO will go to sleep fine if he's sleepy and won't immediately escape when he wakes up so as long as I don't leave him for too long in the bed then it's fine. He does think it's a great game to advance across the bed though if he's not sleepy enough so I have to be on hand until I know he's going to go to sleep. My friend has just given up and put the side back on the cot as her LO wasn't going to sleep in the evenings and she was fed up of having to stay in with her until she was asleep. A lot of co-sleepers go with a mattress on the floor so that at least safety wise it's not a problem. (There's no way we could do that as half our life is stuffed under the bed.) I'm of the opinion that as long as the baby can't roll out of bed accidentally then everything else is fine. If he decides he wants to crawl around on the bed then eventually he will fall off. I'll let you know when I've been to casualty...