Co-Sleeping..

[Al1x]

Is co-sleeping really a bad thing?

dd goes to bed in her cot but is always in bed with us by the morning (my fault as i bf and fall asleep lol)

Now me and dp are perfectly happy doing this but I'm wondering if it will be difficult getting dd to sleep in her own room (when she has one) ... oh and the HV says I'm making a rod for my own back!

[trogette]

no it's not :) Have a read of Three in a Bed and don't forget you don't have to see a HV and given that she seems to know little about babies' natural development as oppose to what prevailing culture says, it might be a good idea ;)

[eigchick]

Is co-sleeping really a bad thing?

dd goes to bed in her cot but is always in bed with us by the morning (my fault as i bf and fall asleep lol)

Now me and dp are perfectly happy doing this but I'm wondering if it will be difficult getting dd to sleep in her own room (when she has one) ... oh and the HV says I'm making a rod for my own back!


If you and dp are happy to do this- then I'd say that it's not a rod!

My ds1 was a co sleeper, I always put him in his own bed to start the night and he'd always join me eventually.

I found that it was the easiest way for everyone to get maximum sleep.

When they start to sleep thro they manage to stay in their own beds-- lol

[smirnoff]

we co slept with ben. he stayed in our bed till he was about 3 and then he moved into his own "big bed"...

do what feels right.. oh and i had some major rows with various hv with my 3!!!!

[Tess]

my dd2 does exactly the same. all mine did, only when they sleep through the night they go into thier own rooms

[Al1x]

oh thats ok... i'm sure if i told my mum that Amelia still comes in with us she'd say we're mad! ... I remember her telling me that my little sister slept in with them when she was a baby and as she got older she wouldn't settle in her own room and always ended up in the spare room on on the floor at the bottom of their bed haha

[Fudge Cake]

My son starts off in his bed and always ends up in mine, and he is 2yr, he slept in our bed alot when he was a baby due to several different reasons.

I would just do what is best for your and your family - everyone use to tell me it was wrong and i was making a rod etc etc but it was the only way i could get a normal nights sleep - i think it ok for people to put us down when they have a perfect baby that goes to sleep and stays in their cot/bd all night!!

[Seren]

my mum was horrified when I said that when they were babies they slept sometimes with us.

Would def recomend 3 in a bed to read.

Are you happy with it? Then it isn;t hurting anyone.

I only I had done this with ds#1 and longer with the others.

They are not babies for long. I miss the snuggle time

[rach04]

all 3 of mine co slept and went in to their own bed at 18 months! as long as you and bf are happy with it its nobody elses business. as mama b says its snuggle time and a bit of bonding especially with my last 2 as i never had time for cuddles in the day.

[stephelen]

I have co-slept with each of my 6 children and have never had problems getting them into their own bed when they are ready to do so. Our 2 year old is in with us now but as soon as ready will be going to his own bed in his sisters room.
The benefits are numerous but one that stands out (especially if you are breastfeeding) is what my hubby always brings up, is he has never had a sleepless night due to a crying baby, as when he/she needs feeding I just latch him on and back to sleep we all go.

[baby-bean]

Another co-sleeper here; it's the only way I've survived the last three years broken sleep! Definitely get hold of Three in a Bed. :D

[denise1981]

If you dont mind your child sleeping with you then thats fine, it what you think is right, its your child.
Sorry ranting there abit but I get fed up of people telling parents how they should bring up their child.
I dont have dd sleeping with me but I dont bf and she settles well in her cot, if she is restless then she does come in with me, thats happened about 10 times

[Al1x]

Is this the book you are talking about - three in a bed ? -
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Three-Bed-Benefits-Sleeping-Your/dp/0747565759

[baby-bean]

yep, that's the one!

[trogette]

If you dont mind your child sleeping with you then thats fine, it what you think is right, its your child.
Sorry ranting there abit but I get fed up of people telling parents how they should bring up their child.
I dont have dd sleeping with me but I dont bf and she settles well in her cot, if she is restless then she does come in with me, thats happened about 10 times

One thing is that co-sleeping (and other 'AP' type stuff) is actually what our natural development as a species tells babies they should be doing, ie being in close contact with their source of food/safety/temperature regulation and this shows itself in various ways, not least the whole 'attachment theory' hormonal and psychological development stuff. When you look at how crying babies' stress hormone levels are different when held or not held, and how that affects stress responses in adulthood, it makes even more sense to stay physically close to your baby for as long as they need you to. And when people understand that this is what babies need and expect and it's *normal* it makes it a lot easier to want to do it. KWIM?

[Seren]

all I can say is I wish I had this advice with ds#1, I was told not to pick him up so much, not to hold him and NEVER EVER sleep in the bed with him.

I was alone and didn't really know better when he was 3 he used to climb in bed with me and I would wake up with him it was really nice, he hardly ever woke me up and I stopped putting him back in his bed, it only lasted a short time.

[denise1981]

I was told never give my baby a cuddle because I want one. But I could never resist lol

[DianaB]

I have co-slept with all my children, now ages 12, 9 and 3. The 3yo is still sleeping with us.
I personally think its a very healthy way to bond with your children.

Diana
AP parenting counsellor

[petchy]

DS is 19 months and starts off in his own bed, but at some point during the night he ends up in our bed. The only exceptions are on the rare occasions when he has slept through in his own bed.

If i had a penny for each time people told me I was making a rod for my own back, I'd be rich! I get really annoyed with them too.

I actually really like snuggling up with my DS at night, he snuggles into me all warm and soft and tired and utterly gorgeous, and he smells so sweet... how can that be a "rod"???

[Sarah]

I don't think it's a bad thing but I think it's a very personal choice. It definately wasn't for us.
All ours slept much better in their own beds in their own rooms and so did we!
My bedroom is my sanctuary - it's the time when dh and I spend quality time together and where we can relax and unwind.
Obviously all our babies slept in the room with us when they were tiny and occasionall co-slept if they were having a restless night or I fell asleep breastfeeding :cheesy:
But when they were more settled they went into their own beds and they were all more or less sleeping through the night - and I mean 12-13 hours a night from around 12 weeks.
Sarah x

[TheresaP.]

My ds2 sleeps in my bed with me. My dh keeps asking me when am I going to put him in his cot. I dont think there is anything wrong with it. I had a bit of antenatal depression, and having my ds2 so close to me has helped alleviate that feeling and I cannot imagine life without him now. Go with how you are feeling, you as a mum, knows best. Your dh does not sound as though he wants to understand and sometimes husbands get a bit jealous of all the attention that the new baby gets, sounds bizarre:cheesy:, but its true. He probably does not even realise. Good luck.

[Ellie]

I don't think it's a bad thing but I think it's a very personal choice. It definately wasn't for us.
All ours slept much better in their own beds in their own rooms and so did we!
My bedroom is my sanctuary - it's the time when dh and I spend quality time together and where we can relax and unwind.
Obviously all our babies slept in the room with us when they were tiny and occasionall co-slept if they were having a restless night or I fell asleep breastfeeding :cheesy:
But when they were more settled they went into their own beds and they were all more or less sleeping through the night - and I mean 12-13 hours a night from around 12 weeks.
Sarah x

Pretty much our experience too xox

[BellaMiller]

M co-slept with us until she was about 4 months old, then moved through to her own cot - when she could get out she would come through to our bed on and off (once a week/month) up until the age of about 7.

R has coslept with us until she was about 9 1/2 months and she now comes through to our bed when whe wakes about 6 a.m. (way too early for us!)

M was sleeping through from about 6 weeks, R from about 12 weeks - my parents were horrified but co-sleeping has worked for us :)

[milliesmama]

I adore co sleeping with my 4 and a half month old daughter. she was in a moses basket OCCAISIONALLY whilst a newborn but has always slept in my bed from day one. she has also slept throught the night from day one pretty much and i still have her in my bed. HER ROOM WILL BE READY FOR HER WHEN SHE IS READY FOR IT ooops for the caps!

[Tess]

I adore co sleeping with my 4 and a half month old daughter. she was in a moses basket OCCAISIONALLY whilst a newborn but has always slept in my bed from day one. she has also slept throught the night from day one pretty much and i still have her in my bed. HER ROOM WILL BE READY FOR HER WHEN SHE IS READY FOR IT ooops for the caps!

my 9 month old still sleeps with us. and my 4 yo, still comes int our room..although not as much as he used to.
my dd1 was the only one who never slept with us. she just wouldn't settle, she LOVES her own bed.
DH is often found gripping to the egde of the mattress or in ds's bed :cheesy:

[mints]

We co-sleep with our little one and it works very well for us. The only trouble is at the moment that she needs to go to bed before us and I'm not sure how to go about it. Any advice? Or can anyone direct me to where this has already been discussed on the forum?

Thank you!!

[jmsze5]

i go up with both my little 2 ,wait to they fall asleep and come back downstairs.they dont feed to sleep anymore and it only takes about 15 to 30 min now were into a routine

[shazgh]

i go up with both my little 2 ,wait to they fall asleep and come back downstairs.they dont feed to sleep anymore and it only takes about 15 to 30 min now were into a routine
thats exactly what I do

[mints]

Thanks for that, that's very helpful. I did try that last night by coincedence but I felt quite bad about sneaking out so ended up just going to bed really early! I'll keep trying though because I think it will be better for her as I think she needs more sleep.

[jmsze5]

i felt a bit guilty too the first few times i left them asleep,it does get easier x

[Emmasome]

Our LO doesn't sleep very long on her own. She's 5 months now, maybe we just need to persevere a bit in helping her get settled. She does get really agitated by bout 8.30-9.00 when she's down with us and sometimes I just have to go up early. It's not a big bother just now, but not sure how long we'll feel that way!
Re earlier comment on HVs. I told ouR's at first visit that we were co-sleeping and got the gut-wrenching response of "Oh, we've all had cases of smothering, we don't recommend it." HVs seem so unaware of the how crap they can make you feel! No discussion of how we were going about it or what precautions could be taken.

[mints]

Has anybody else tried any other methods? I would love her to be able to sleep in the living room in the evening while we are still up, but she just seems too interested in what's going on and is unable to settle which is fair enough, I'm just the same as I hate missing out!

I tried again last night to put her to bed first, but she wouldn't settle so after an hour I just put her in my wrap sling and headed off around the block to send her off. I think she only had half an hour before she woke again though. She never has problems sleeping in the day or going back to sleep after night feeds, so I suppose I'll see how things go over the next couple of weeks. I'd appreciate any advice though and it's reasurring to know I'm not the only one to feel guilty leaving my little one to sleep on her own - I felt a bit silly really!

xx

[mints]

Just read your post Emmasome, what you describe sounds just like our situation (except our little one is only 3 months), but as with you I am in no massive rush for change but I can see something needs to alter over the next few months because I don't want my ealry nights to go on for too long!

I haven't mentioned to our HV that we are co-sleeping because I was afraid of getting a response like your HV gave. It is awful that a professional should make an ill-informed suggestion like that, in fact I think it is a bit irresponsible. I have heard other health professionals saying that the advice on co-sleeping is so confusing that parents have ended up sleeping on the sofa with their babies by accident, and that is when accidents can happen.

We have received excellent care from the HV and midwives in our area, but I must admit that when it comes to some of their advice I have taken it with a pinch of salt and done my own research so I can feel confident in the approaches we are taking (eg on co-sleeping and breastfeeding especially).

If you can see your baby is thriving and content then what you are doing must be working.

x

[Emmasome]

I just take dd to get weighed once a month now. Even that sets me on edge tho because i wonder whether she;ll still be on the same blooming percentile ...aaargh... at 4 months she had dipped very very slightly from her curve to date which prompted the whole babyrice/bottle suggestions. Away from the clinic I imagine myself having an all out argument wih them about government guidelines they're meant to follow let alone WHO and UNICEF advice, but in reality I just get in and out asap!
I tried getting lo off last night about 7.30 and he did sleep but seems to be able to do it surgically attached to my boob. After an hour an a half of that she woke all spritely and ready for a 'chat' until we went to bed!

[jmsze5]

before i got my youngest 2 to go to sleep in the bed they use to fall asleep while feeding and sleep next to me on the sofa or in the pram,that was probably till youngest was nearly one.the still do this at the moment as sleeping routine went out the window just before christmas and i havent managed to get it back right yet!!

[littlelisa]

Oi! Who said it was a bad thing?? I would really recommend the articles on the following website - some lovely and encouraging articles for parents that co-sleep! www.naturalchild.org

Click on the articles tab - lots of well-written and thoughtful material on the subject!

[Justenuff]

when my LO was having trouble going to sleep I found that if I lay him on a pillow while he was feeding and he went to sleep I could pick him up on the pillow and move him without disturbing him whereas if I do it my hands he can feel the lack of support on most of his body and would wake up.

thankfully now those days are rare. We have a bath and then feed and then bed routine and whilst I sometimes have to go back in to top him up he'll usually now go down at 7 and be alseep until I go to bed. His natural sleep pattern since he was born seemed to be around 8pm and we just worked that earlier by a little each day until it was nearer 7.

[shazgh]

I am not the best person to give advice but just wanted to say how normal it all is, I have frantic messages in the archives of this site asking how to stop feeding a 16m old to sleep and stop her wakening every 30 mins for more.

Someone asked about how to get them settled in the living room of an evening, I would say its too distracting and if your ultimate aim is getting them to bed from about 7/8pm and sleeping longer you need to get into a set routine of bath or massage, dim lights no tv/music then up to bed and either feed or whatever to sleep and if they waken stay with them til they fall asleep and by keeping the same routine they will know that no amout of crying or trying will get them downstairs. I can't abide controlled crying so BF my little one to sleep and spent most of the evening / night in her room, cotsides were off at 11months and she would get up and toddle through and sleep with me.
It is a long exhausting process unless you force something onto them and I am not that kind of mum.
Feel the need to shout about this but last night was the first night in about 4 years, that I put the girls to bed and they never came through, I got up at 6.20 and they were still asleep:party05: Hope things have changed now:clapping:
Re co-sleeping, I don't think it is cut and dried about smothering, a BF baby is at less risk of suffocation and I can't remember the name of but there was a study done which shows that mothers who BF sleep facing their baby with their knees up to prevent the baby sliding down the bed, and mothers who artificially feed sleep with their backs to their baby, so nature has a way of protecting your baby.
Will try to find out more if anyone is interested.
HV should give advised depending on individual circumstances rather than telling someone to go against their instincts.

Gosh that was long - phew!

[littlelisa]

From what I've read, smothering is almost unheard-of unless one of the co-sleeping parents has been drinking/smoking/taking drugs (in which case co-sleeping is considered dangerous). Cots, prams and baskets are a fairly recent invention, remember: for thousands of years, babies were carried and co-slept as a matter of course, and the human species seemed to survive fairly well :-)

[mints]

It is so refreshing to have some voices of reason to turn to on this site! I have just returned from my first baby massage class (which incedently was lovely) where the health visitors who ran it concluded with a bit of a talk about crying, which went on to be a talk about controlled crying and how it was the only way to get your children to sleep (it was sparked by the question "how long on average should babies cry for when you put them to bed?"). One of the HVs then went on to explain that from about 2 years old it is perfectly natural for children to suffer from night terrors and nightmares (Deborah Jackson's '3 in a bed' says this is simply not true, although I can't remember what research that was based on).

While controlled crying might suit some, once again no alternative sleeping options were mentioned and the discussion ended up being about how long you should leave your baby crying at what age. I was absoutely livid by the time I left the session (I did try to join in but only got as far as "I think that people need to do what feels right for them and their baby" and didn't get a chance to raise co-sleeping. Maybe I'll try again next time but no doubt everyone will think I'm mad and go on about rods and backs and the like. All I know is that whilst dd might be reluctant to nap in the evening, we all get our 8 hours every night).

I think I have concluded my rant....sorry about that but needed to get it off my chest!