How Many Parent Co-sleep Or Have Co-slept

[Ravenfire]

Just a nosey question! :D

[angel1980]

Me. (sigh)

[pie]

Yep, with both of them, the eldest not by choice though!

[lizzie]

yes i did

[Netty]

I did (still do occasionally if dd decides to join us at some point in the early hours!)

[Wundatigga]

i did when i was breat feeding but stopped as soon as i dried out

[Girlzmum]

I don't - madam simply isn't interested! She thinks our bed is a trampoline!

[Kaya_anne]

Yes, I did but I paid for it when it came to moving him to cot! BUT I would not have it any otehr way due to circumstances!

[lisa1980]

when hollie was younger i had her in with me for the 1st year and it was hard to get her to sleep on her own.

now if like this morning she has wet the bed i put in mine and if she wont sleep in her own bed i do because i need my sleep and being on my own i tend to use it as an easy option :wub:

[blueberry]

I did, but very rarely - mainly because DS is such a wild sleeper and we don't want him to fall off our bed.

[bikemad]

Used to on times when ds was younger n I was single.

Now and again still do like the other week when he broke his elbow and me n ds slept on the sofa.

[mum_2_jamie]

my ds has three beds one in his room one in mine and one in my house keepers and choses which bed he wants to sleep in at night yet by morning hes normally been in all three and mine and house keepers he wakes up in the night and wanders into another room

[Aquila]

Yes at times, when one or other or both wont sleep in their own beds (we need a much bigger bed now though lol).
I hated it when Freya was weeny couldnt handle having her in bed with us at all as I was worried I would suqash her, but was more laid back when we had Ferdy and as he went through the first few weeks almost non-stop night feeding I often fell asleep with him at the boob!
Bex

[angeleyes]

:Hello2: my dd first got into my bed with me when she 5 months old.... she is now nearly 3years old, and she is till in my bed, tbh though i really dont mind, we have done it for so long now, i wouldn't even know where to start to get her back in her own bed, although most nights now-a-days she starts off in her own bed, but never stays there!!! lol

[trogette]

wouldn't do it any other way, babies are designed to be close to mum.

[Katiequiggle]

I only ever had one of mine in bed with me (husband would sleep on the sofa) if they were really poorly. They both slept in their cots in our room for the first 6 months or so though.

I think the best thing is the thing that suits you and your baby best. It would never bother me to have one in our bed but I know that dh would not be happy about it.

Kate

[Hatina]

:Hello2:
Had all 3 of my babies in with me until they are 2, which was a deliberate desicion. Youngest still co-sleeping now, but he is only 12months old.
With my DDs never had any trouble getting them to sleep in their own beds.
Made huge thing about buying their own 'big girls' bed, decorating their room etc and had no fuss at all. Possibly because they knew they could still come back in whenever they felt like it. They rarely choose to.

All my maternal instincts tell me my baby needs to be near me, so couldn't ever contemplate using a cot, would seem very unnatural.

It's definitley a personal choice

[mazzamom]

We did, but we had a brio cosleeper cot with Carly which was great, and gave us a bit more room.

[babybiz]

I didn't with my first three but I am with Dion. He's a VERY frequent feeder and it just makes my life easier, I'm not getting enough sleep as it is let along trying to perusade him to use a cot/moses baseket. I am hoping to get him out of our bed by the time he's 6mths though at the very latest... we'll see! :crossfingers:

[JENNY1979]

I co-slept with Declan, as when he was first born we lived in a one bedroomed flat, then when we moved to a 3 bed house, he wouldn't sleep in his own room.
Declan finally went into his own bed abput 6 months ago - 6 years is along time to co-sleep lol!

Bailey has slept in with us (at one point there were four of us sleeping in a bed!!!) but he is still in our room, so his cot is right next to our bed. I like having him in with me, but Lee isn't so keen.

[angel1980]

Hi Jenny,

Can i ask how you got Declan to sleep in his own room? My ds is 6 and still in with me, well i put him in his bed first but he stays there anything from 1 hour to maybe 4 to 5 hours and then he is up and gets in with me and i'm too tired to do anything about it, lol.

Was Declan happy to go into his own bed? As i guess that makes the difference as ds is scared to sleep on his own. :rolleyes:

[JENNY1979]

:Hello2: Angel,

The thing that got Declan to sleep in his own room was Bailey! The fact that Declan was now a big brother seemed to make him 'want' to sleep in his room.

We tried everything beforehand, changing bedrooms, decorating them, buying him special presents - you name it we did it. But when i had Bailey he just decided that he was big enough to sleep in his own room.

Sorry there was no magical way of him doing it, he just did it one day.....
and boy was i surpised!

Have you tried a 'star chart' with him? We did this with Declan, and it worked for a few days, but then he got back into the habit of sleeping with us. I think though if you percivere (sp) enough (more than we did!) he should be ok.

Jenny.

[angel1980]

Thanks. I don't think i'll be having another baby though, lol. Star charts don't work with ds i'm afraid. :rolleyes: I guess i will have to leave it up to ds as to when he feels ready as Declan did. :-)

My problem is i'm not motivated enough to stick with it, as it's not too big a problem as it's just me and him, so i'll just go with the flow.

Thanks. :happy72:

[Louby]

Me! We co-slept with Maddie from when she was born and up until she was 6mths old. She is a crap sleeper though, and seems to spend many a night with us still...aged 2! I loved it when she was a teeny weeny babe but she is such a wriggler at this age that it is no longer a thing to enjoy but a nightmare!!!

Lou x

[cuddlykitten]

i did with kieran i found it was the only way anyone in the house was going to get any sleep, otherwise he would cry all night and i would of been a dreadfull mess.

[twiglet333]

I do, ive tried everything to get beck to sleep in her own room, but nothing has worked so far!

even tried being like supernanny and that didnt work either. :no:

thing is hub and I fall out over it :hissyfit:

[smirnoff]

with ds we got him a bed and let him arrange his room, pick out colour schemes that kind of thing. We found that this was the best thing for him. I have heard of parents using "walkie talkies" so the child still knows that you are there and can talk to him when you are needed??????? Dont know if this will work.

To actually get DS to sleep in his own bed we started reading long and involved novels... the best one was the original chronicles of narnia. Really good story but the text is quite long winded and very dull in places!!

[twiglet333]

lol so you bored him to sleep, fabulous!!!

[emma_buzz]

david still sleeps with us but i wont put ella in our bed. learn from your masstakes and that

[trogette]

Why do you think it was a mistake?

[Easties]

no i havent but that was just because i was lucky with both of mine at night times

[Drusilla]

I occasionally have my Josh (7) in bed with me as we both like the company. I'm a single parent and it's nice to have him cuddle up to me while we watch a film in bed. He will sleep in his own bed most of the time and never kicks up a fuss if he can't be in with me, but we both like it, so what's the harm. ;)

[wokkies]

yes on many occasions and ds has nearly stopped coming in our bed now, only prob is he has to lay on our faces and put his elbow in our neck, grr

[Apri]

Yes, I did but I paid for it when it came to moving him to cot! BUT I would not have it any otehr way due to circumstances!

It was by choice with me for breastfeeding during the nite, and being single mum now - they will still sleep in my bed if they are really poorly.
I also had trouble getting DS2 into a cot, so in the end moved him to a bed with bedguards both sides and he didn't have much trouble after that. Think he could tell that his cot mattress was made of foam rather than the sprung mattress of single bed - well thats my theory:unsure: :happy72:

[moosmum]

DD1 slept with us until she was about 6months and from then on has always preferred to sleep in a seperate bed, even now if she wakes in the night and I put her in bed with us she will ask to go back to her own bed. DD2 is in our bed now and I love being able to lie stroking her little head while she sleeps and feeds :wub:

[Percy]

Yep.

Moving her soon though I think- she's 2 and a half

[Laurens_mummy]

Yep! Our little un sleeps with us in our bed sometimes. Probably wasn't the best decision we have made:sign07: but she is getting slightly better and doesn't always end up with us now!

[Nics n Jeevan]

Well it's been on and off, he sleeps in cot most of the nitethen tucks up with me and other half, bout 6 in the morning.i like having the bed with out the baby!!!

[kate7_7]

If the midwives could hear you lot now......

I'm trying to get Maddie in her cot now(10 months old) but I chose to co-sleep before she was even born.
I think all the statistics about the dangers of co-sleeping are inaccurate, as so many people lie to their health visitors. The information they collect cannot be accurate.

[storm]

i never had josh in my bed to sleep as a baby, but he went through a stage of coming in in the middle of the night between the ages of 3 and 5, and it was easlier to let him stay as i was single. didnt have a problem with getting him to stay in his own bed when i wanted him too. with oscar i quite often had him in with me, i was breast feeding him and every time i put him down in his cot he would let rip, plus he would sleep longer. i stopped doing it when he was about 4 half months, sleeps well in his cot now, must admit if he wakes in the early hours and wont go back to sleep then ill take him in with us but its rare that happens now.

[trogette]

If the midwives could hear you lot now......

I'm trying to get Maddie in her cot now(10 months old) but I chose to co-sleep before she was even born.
I think all the statistics about the dangers of co-sleeping are inaccurate, as so many people lie to their health visitors. The information they collect cannot be accurate.

Depends on the mw. Evidence-based-practicing ones should support co-sleeping as it's such an aid to breastfeeding...

Wondering what you mean about research?

And feel free to start a new thread on weaning from the family bed ;)

[Girlzmum]

ALL nurses and midwives are Evidence based practicioners, this is updated and monitored on a constant basis as any nurse or midwife not using EBP is in breech of the NMC Code of Conduct and can be struck off the professional register.
Saying that a Midwife isn't an EBP because they don't support co sleeping is ridiculous and, to be very honest, dangerous. New mothers need to feel that they can trust the advice they're being given, announcing that midwives who follow the guidelines regarding co sleeping aren't EBP casts doubt on their advice and professionalism.

[Ravenfire]

If the midwives could hear you lot now......

I'm trying to get Maddie in her cot now(10 months old) but I chose to co-sleep before she was even born.
I think all the statistics about the dangers of co-sleeping are inaccurate, as so many people lie to their health visitors. The information they collect cannot be accurate.

Why would people lie about co-sleeping with their children, sorry not sure what you mean by that. They must have some basis for their findings.

[trogette]

colette, I'm sorry if I've touched a nerve but I know of way too many midwives who don't follow EBP in other things, I know they're supposed to be but I think it's dangerously naive to believe that they all are, if we're talking about dangerous assertions. It's equally naive IMO to assert that all guidelines are based on best-practice/research.

Toni, you think people don't tell researchers/HVs what they think the researcher/HV wants to hear or will approve of? How many people lie about how long their child sleeps, let alone where?! If you have a HV who wouldn't *assume* there was a problem with a co-sleeping baby waking every hour then great! (not saying that isn't a problem, btw, but equally I'm not saying it is.)

[Ravenfire]

I guess I cant understand why people would lie to their HV over co-sleeping. Surely if you do co-sleep with your child its because you are happy to do so, so why lie about it?

[trogette]

so that the HV won't go off on a SIDS/suffocation/'mollycoddling' rant and/or start into giving sleep-training information? As I said, if your HV wouldn't do that you're blessed ;) there are loads who would.

[angel1980]

I guess I cant understand why people would lie to their HV over co-sleeping. Surely if you do co-sleep with your child its because you are happy to do so, so why lie about it?

I did. :sign07: Basically because i was a young mum (18) and was scared in a way I guess and didn't dare ask for help, so whenever the HV asked about sleeping and stuff I'd say yeah no problems, where in fact he was sleeping most of the night with (mostly for an easy life though as I was exhausted and couldn't get him to sleep alone for long).

I knew that I'd get told to CC which I didn't want to do. I thought that asking for help would make me look like a faliure. The same for the PND form really I guess, lied in that too. This makes me sound awful I know, but I was very young and didn't get enough support, but then maybe that was my fault as I didn't ask for help when I needed it? Hmmm not sure.

I know that next time (if I have any more children) being older I will do a lot of things differently. :yes:

[Girlzmum]

I'm not naive - I'm a student nurse who has just studied the NMC code of conduct. If you know of so many midwives who don't EBP then report them, I can get you the details if you'd like.
All nurses and midwives have to prove that they're keeping their training and practice up to date through a professional portfolio, attend a minimum number of training courses per year and be able to display that they are using the best practice and guidelines available. Simply because they aren't your beliefs doesn't mean that they aren't the best EBP/guidelines.
If co sleeping wasn't considered a risk element to children then midwives would be advocating it from the rooftops, however the risk element IS there and it is foolish to ignore it. Surely saving the life of a child is the important factor and if 1 child is saved by not co sleeping then it IS the best practice.

[bikemad]

so that the HV won't go off on a SIDS/suffocation/'mollycoddling' rant and/or start into giving sleep-training information? As I said, if your HV wouldn't do that you're blessed ;) there are loads who would.

I know plenty of midwives and HV infact and not one of them would ever be like you have described-you cant tar everyone with the same brush.Yes they give information but thats doing their job and one of their jobs is too ensure the newborn is safe so yes they give advice about sids/cosleeping and the like but they dont go off on one they give it in a helpful manner-its up to the parent if they listen or not.

[trogette]

yes it's about risk assessment. It's also about presenting information rather than advice, it's also about not scaremongering or letting policies rule over informed decision-making. Co-sleeping can save lives and reduce health risks for both mother and child. Yes there are risks involved but those risks are generally related to not planning it or to other factors like smoking or drug use (including prescription drugs or alcohol)

Locally the NHS Trust policy is to advise against co-sleeping. No discussion of the pros and cons, no discussion of reducing risks, just a blanket statement. Is that right? I think not.

I don't intend to tar everyone with the same brush, my first statement was 'it depends on the midwife!' But there are HPs out there who are working from their own experiences and biases more than EBP. And there are HPs who will tell you what they think you want to hear, and there are those who will assume that certain situations are a problem rather than actually listening to the client.

[lisa]

i did when keane was younger, i stopped when he fell out of the bed though!

[wokkies]

well thomas is in a bed in our room next to our room and nine times out of ten he ends up in our bed if that counts, but eventually i go in his bob bed for the peace

[cornishocean]

all my children slept with me when they were babies and I never had a single sleeples night. they would sleep in there moses basket during the day and when it came to getting a big bed they were very excited and i had no problems getting them to sleep in it although my youngest daughter who is four sometimes creeps into our bed but we have a kingsize so hardly notice unless she decides to sleep sideways lol:babydust3

[funkyfish]

The longest my daughter slept at anyone time was four hours from the moment she was born until she was over 2 years.

So, she was in our bed most of the time.

[rosey]

ds aged 5 still does.
he wont sleep in his own bed. its my fault i started it when he was small and screamed in his cot, waking dd's up. then they were tired for school the next day

i figure by the time he is 16 he will grow out of it................

[trogette]

or if not the Army can sort it? ;)

[hufflepuffle]

I just cant get one of the twins out of our bed ....... we have tried everything yet his twin brother asks to go to bed and sleeps for the night. They are like chalk and cheese lol

[Linzi_26]

Tyler sleeps with me too, but to be honest it don't bother me. I am on my own in a double bed anyhow so i don;t really notice him.....except the snoring!! It comforts him and we both sleep well so i see no harm.

[lindy]

Luca seems to have decided he is co-sleeping a the mo:wub:

[*debbie*]

We use to with ds, out of desparation for some sleep...he slept with us for about a year from being 12 months old to about nearly 3 yrs old...it then took us ages to get him to sleep in his own bed. He is now 4 and in his own bed..but he still doesnt sleep thro the night and sometimes needs reassurance from me thro the night. Wish i hadnt bothered letting him share our bed sometimes...as its been worse trying to get him to sleep in his own bed..but sleep depravation is murder..and we will do anything for a bit of shut eye..lol

[Olive_Oil]

Never did it at all with DS although was very tempted but didnt want him getting used to it....did with DD occasionally -but both went into a cot in their own room no probs, DS at 6 weeks and DD at 10 weeks...its SOOOOO much easier to have them in with you when you are breastfeeding!

[marinad]

I didnt only if they were not well i would.But it can be dangerous if u lay on them or they fall out of bed.Better 2 let them have their own bed so every 1 can get some sleep and not be craggy next day.I am such a light sleeper and hubby snores no rest 4 the wicked.!!

[eigchick]

Yes I cosleep.
Ended up cosleeping by accident when ds1 was a baby, decided that it would be safer to plan to cosleep than just nod off whilst breastfeeding him.
He started the night by going down in his own room and his own bed and then joins me later on. At 2yrs of age, when I became pregnant again he started to sleep thro in his own bed-- Shame it didn't last lol.

Ds2 is 13 weeks and has never spent the night away from me. As he gets older and harder to sling to sleep- I intend to introduce him to his own bed.

For anyone that's interested here are the guidelines that mw and hvs are supposed to give you. (Unlike mine who asked me if I knew the guidelines to putting ds2 down in the cot-- I said yes I did but we don't have a cot or moses basket and she looked confused and quoted the feet to foot guidelines anyway)
xxx
Emma

[sam31uk]

Ocassionally i did

[kkmum]

I co-sleep and have done for a while now. I never planned to do it but as my daughter is ill and will often wake every 2 hours in the night i found myself too tired to get in and out of bed all night!!!
Also i breastfeed and it made things easier all round.
For her naps she sleeps happily in the cot and at night she starts in the cot and then when she wakes i bring her into my bed

[wkdfraggle]

I didnt start co-sleeping till arron was 15 months old - when we left his dad and it was easier to have him in with me as we were in a hostel and they put me in a roon with 2 single beds and a small cot.

Arron stopped sleeping in my bed about 18 months ago as me and DP got together - not that he slept in my bed every night but i would find he had got into my bed in the night when i awoke. probably 3 out of 5 nights he would end up with me.

I was starting to worry that he would be in with me till he was 18.

Simone
xxx

[september83]

Yeh - we do. One happy sleep sharing family!

DS1 started sleeping in with us fulltime at about 6/7 weeks, before that I had a travel cot bassinet he went down in, and then would bring him into bed to feed, and have him stay there as I couldn't bring myself to leave my warm bed again!
He always needed to be worn for his naps, and sleep in contact at night to sleep for any length of time. Just before DS2 was conceived we all moved into what was meant to be the nursery for DS1 - now we have it as our "mattress room" two double mattresses cover the floor space, with just enough room to open the door :D
DS2 (7weeks) has co-slept from birth, we don't have anywhere else for him to go. DS1 is in with us as well still, and sleep is starting to be a non-issue for him. He'll now take himself up to the room, have a feed, then drift off with me laying with him.. sleep for 12 hours, maybe waking for a 5 min feed. All without any weaning action from me!

It's lovely to wake in the morning and see DH and my boys all blissfully snuggled up and dreaming :cloud9:

[Appalachia]

My first slept with me until he was about 7 years old.
My third slept with me until he was about 4 years old.

Then the first and third slept with eachother until my first turned about 14 years old.

Then my third moved on to sleep with my last until my last complained about his snoring. Then he came back to sleep with me at about 9 years old and off and on until about 11 years old when he finally got used to sleeping by himself.

[AJCrader]

TBH don't have a little one quite yet, but we plan to as it seems like the best fit to start off with.

[whirl]

DS1 was never interested, just squirmed and wriggled! DS2 is another thing though! I have finally managed to get him into his own cot at bedtime, he is then in with us from his first wake up (about midnight ish) he still bf constantly and I secretly love snuggling with him rather than snotty snoring DP!

[Icedodge58]

Yes I did with DD1 as she was a nightmare I never got a proper nights sleep for months with her so I chucked her dad out and had her in instead so I could sleep and keep eye on her at the same time ITMS.
:hysterica

[Ellie]

I think we had our eldest (age 3) in bed with us twice, he was quite sick on both occassions and we were worried about him. Aside from that, no. All our children have their own beds and, atm their own rooms (though ds1 & ds2 are about to share soon!) They all sleep really well (from 7pm til 6.30/7am). They are happy healthy well balanced kids, we are well slept parents!
I have no probs with parents who share beds with their kids - it works for some, it just doesnt work for us - I think each family finds their own way of doing things that works for them - its not right or wrong, its just what works!

[ann_of_loxle]

Yes we do - at first it was our choice (newborn) and now its our sons choice! hehe
But I cant express the love I feel enough for him when he comes wondering into our room in the middle of the night, out of his choice and climbs into bed with us! - I wouldnt have it any other way! :D

[Cassiopeia]

I did as well, 3 years

[DianaB]

I have done so with all 3 of mine and will do so again with the one on the way. I have always left it up to them to go out of our family bed, when they were ready, which was very smooth and easy. I am convinced it is the only way to be able to sleep and feed a baby and it also is very good for bonding of baby and parents. Furthermore I consider it very good to have a child feel safe during sleeping. I guess I have read too much about the benefits.
I personally also felt they were very calm etc. as we have never had any sleeping problems in our house.

[Ravenfire]

My experiences with mine were the opposite. I actually found that DD3 who co-slept on occasions, whereas my first two didnt, has found it harder to now sleep in her own room! My DD's 1 and 2 were always brilliant at going to bed and off to sleep and we never had any problems with them! I personally dont feel that co-sleeping makes any difference with how you bond with your baby!

[trogette]

I suppose it depends on whether your aim is to have a baby or young child who sleeps on their own or help your child grow to adulthood as a secure and supported individual.

[Girlzmum]

What works for one person may not work for another and I think it's incredibly poor to make a statement like that basically attacking a persons parenting skills simply because they didn't co sleep. Toni's children are very secure and supported, as are my own and I haven't co slept either.
A childs relationship with themselves is not formed simply by a childs sleeping habits - it is a bond that is formed through the relationship they have with their parents and the outside world as a whole.

[Ellie]

I have never co slept with my children - well, barr one disastrous weekend in a caravan, but thats a little different!
Dh and I made the choice not to co sleep from very early on. Truth being we like (and need!) our sleep, and find it difficult to with a small wriggling person in our bed. Plus we had 3 kids all very close together, so at some point we would have ended up with 5 of us in the bed! - it wouldn't have been fair to kick a 2 year old and 1 year old out just because another baby came along and meant there wasn't room for them.
Having said that, in my opinion it is an entirely personal choice, - however, neither myself or my dh co slept as a child and we turned out ok! - I can't see how we ended up with any insecurities or difficulties in our childhood as a result of sleeping in our own beds. Co sleeping is neither right nor wrong, its a personal choice we make for the entire family.

[Ravenfire]

I suppose it depends on whether your aim is to have a baby or young child who sleeps on their own or help your child grow to adulthood as a secure and supported individual.

So are you telling me that you MUST co-sleep with your child to make them secure children? What a load of rubbish.

Anyone that has met my children - whether it is my first two that didnt co-sleep or my youngest that has will tell you they are all secure individuals and it's not the way they have slept that has made them like that its the love and attention they have received from their parents!

I have to say you have some very narrow minded views at times!

[diddlepops]

So are you telling me that you MUST co-sleep with your child to make them secure children? What a load of rubbish.

Anyone that has met my children - whether it is my first two that didnt co-sleep or my youngest that has will tell you they are all secure individuals and it's not the way they have slept that has made them like that its the love and attention they have received from their parents!

I have to say you have some very narrow minded views at times!

:iagree:

with everything you have said Toni - neither of my DDs co-slept with us but DS has started in the last few months. As much as I love having him in with me and haven't really addressed the issues, I am aiming to start introducing him to his own bedroom and bed.

Its the love and care they receive at all times in their lives not just night-time that make children happy and secure individuals. I would like to think that my positive parenting at all times is what has made my children confident and independent people.

Hope this makes sense! Trying to keep an eye on Tilly who is definitely pushing the boundaries at the moment! What was that I said about positive parenting? :hysterica

[Ellie]

Just on that note - surely its the love and attention a child receives during its waking hours during the day that make it feel safe and secure, not that which is received when they are aslepp? - oh, sorry, that sounded like a sermon there!! :hysterica

[smirnoff]

from my experience, ben who we did co sleep with is by far the less secure out of them. Haz nad fern are both far braver, far more secure, and far better sleeping at night and going to sleep on their own..

[trogette]

So are you telling me that you MUST co-sleep with your child to make them secure children? What a load of rubbish.

Anyone that has met my children - whether it is my first two that didnt co-sleep or my youngest that has will tell you they are all secure individuals and it's not the way they have slept that has made them like that its the love and attention they have received from their parents!

I have to say you have some very narrow minded views at times!

Well... no my comment was to suggest that the focus a lot of the time is on how children behave *now* rather than how children turn out as they grow up. I see a lot of this, all over, it's all about getting a baby or child to sleep/eat/behave how you want them to at this moment, with reward charts and sleep training and stuff. And when you say 'but my children who didn't co-sleep are *whatever* blah blah' you're talking about how they are now, not how they might be in 10 years or so, and you're blaming cosleeping for this, rather than thinking that your child who has co-slept maybe is a slower-blossoming individual who needs the security and company more right now and that's why you've co-slept. FWIW actually it's widely recognised in research that babies who are held more and their needs met more promptly are more secure individuals in adulthood.

My statement may have been harsh, but I am very frustrated by this thread. It's on a board entitles Attachment Parenting, yet it seems that whenever someone talks about co-sleeping in positive terms and spells it out, they get a post from someone else saying how that's all a load of crap because *their* children didn't behave that way. And Toni when it comes from you, you're the board owner, you set the tone. And you make it very clear that you are neither neutral, nor accepting of research when it comes to parenting practices that are different to your own. Why you even bother to have an AP board has me puzzled.

[Ravenfire]

So let me get this right.... because I am the board owner I should have no opinion? I'm afraid thats not going to happen, I wont hide behind a bush just because you dont like it that I challenge your opinions.

I have never said that I am not accepting or open to listening to practices that are different to mine, if anything I would suggest that you are the person that has the problem with that.

My post merely stated my own personal circumstances and how I found co-sleeping affected my family. Where do I state that "Co-sleeping is crap"? I think you need to go back and re-read my post!

I really do not believe that co-sleeping "shapes" the way you will become as an adult and I will continue to stand by that and obviously I am not alone in that.

As for why we have an AP board - well just look back through the other posts and I would say thats obvious. Again, just because not everyone agrees with what you say does not mean that they are not entitled to an opinion or to voice their own personal experiences.

[Girlzmum]

Well... no my comment was to suggest that the focus a lot of the time is on how children behave *now* rather than how children turn out as they grow up. I see a lot of this, all over, it's all about getting a baby or child to sleep/eat/behave how you want them to at this moment, with reward charts and sleep training and stuff. And when you say 'but my children who didn't co-sleep are *whatever* blah blah' you're talking about how they are now, not how they might be in 10 years or so, and you're blaming cosleeping for this, rather than thinking that your child who has co-slept maybe is a slower-blossoming individual who needs the security and company more right now and that's why you've co-slept. FWIW actually it's widely recognised in research that babies who are held more and their needs met more promptly are more secure individuals in adulthood.

My statement may have been harsh, but I am very frustrated by this thread. It's on a board entitles Attachment Parenting, yet it seems that whenever someone talks about co-sleeping in positive terms and spells it out, they get a post from someone else saying how that's all a load of crap because *their* children didn't behave that way. And Toni when it comes from you, you're the board owner, you set the tone. And you make it very clear that you are neither neutral, nor accepting of research when it comes to parenting practices that are different to your own. Why you even bother to have an AP board has me puzzled.

I'm afraid that your statements on AP do not come across as positive or supportive of those who participate with AP - instead they seem designed to openly attack make anyone who does not AP. The thread is entitled 'How many people co sleep or have co slept?' People are entitled to express if they did or not, if it worked for them or not and express their feelings and opinions on co sleeping without having to fear a personal attack on their parenting skills and their childrens future behaviour if they say they don't. Parents come onto sites like this for support and information, tbh if I read some of your posts I would have been put completely off the concept of AP.
As for the research, I'm sure if you look enough there is research on the internet to tell people the sky is pink - research does not mean that it is right, it means that someone has a theory and they've gone out of their way to prove it.
I have studied child psychology (and, no it wasn't based on AP research but over 100 years of study) and can tell you that a child has many influences in it's lifetime that led them along the path to adulthood, the relationship with their parents is an incredibly important influence but co sleeping isn't mentioned.

[rach04]

just to butt in i co slept 3 out of 4 of mine ok they are very secure at the moment but my dh (28) was co slept and he is the most insecure person i know constantly wants to feel loved and seeking attention from his mum and dad. His older sisters that were also co slept are the other way. All were in their parents bed until they were 4.


My parents never co slept me or my bro and sis yet i am very secure happy with my lot and my brother and sister crave it.

I cant see where the "evidence" comes from sorry.

children are individuals we cannot say how secure are children are going to be as adults as life throws many thing at us from the age of 0 and that is how our life is mapped out." what will be will be".

i CHOSE to co sleep my children a personal choice and i would never dare tell any one that they are a bad person for not doing so, i have only used personal examples but my decision was mine.

[Ellie]

I can't see that anyone is objecting to the positive aspects of co sleeping being pointed out - I think the objection is more that its being implied that those children who DON'T co sleep will grow up to be emotionally disadvantaged in some way.
As I said before,I didnt co sleep with any of my children, nor did I as a child. I'm secure enough to know that my choice in that was right for my children, myself and my relationship. However, I feel we need to be careful - there may be some new mums reading this who may be already feeling insecure about new parenthood, and what's the 'right' thing to do - comments about how their child may grow up to be insecure will certainly not help support them.
This is an attachment parenting section - however, I was under the impression it was a discussion section for people from both sides of the spectrum to come together and discuss, its not a PRO attachment parenting section, is it?
As for Toni having an opinion, well tbh I'm glad she does - nice to know that the person running the site is someone like us with thoughts and opinions.

[smirnoff]

I can't see that anyone is objecting to the positive aspects of co sleeping being pointed out - I think the objection is more that its being implied that those children who DON'T co sleep will grow up to be emotionally disadvantaged in some way.
As I said before,I didnt co sleep with any of my children, nor did I as a child. I'm secure enough to know that my choice in that was right for my children, myself and my relationship. However, I feel we need to be careful - there may be some new mums reading this who may be already feeling insecure about new parenthood, and what's the 'right' thing to do - comments about how their child may grow up to be insecure will certainly not help support them.
This is an attachment parenting section - however, I was under the impression it was a discussion section for people from both sides of the spectrum to come together and discuss, its not a PRO attachment parenting section, is it?
As for Toni having an opinion, well tbh I'm glad she does - nice to know that the person running the site is someone like us with thoughts and opinions.
can i just say that you have said everything perfectly hunni.. i totally agree with you!!!

I also like to know tonis (and everyone elses) opinions as i think it makes her (and the other mods and admin) far more approachable. I like to see topics being discussed with both sides so you can really see the pros and cons and make a far more informed decision imho!!!

[creamyegguk]

I currently co-sleep with my 18 month old DD, it's something I have chosen to do as it suits us both and DH is supportive of it. I plan to continue until she decides to move into her own bedroom. Yes, she has a toddler bed in her pretty pink room and I imagine will one day before she starts secondary School choose to sleep in there :laugh:

I think everyone should make their own decisions about co-sleeping as it's very personal and may not suit everyone. A close Friend of mine says she couldn't think of anything worse, she loves her own space and her DS does perfectly well in his cot. If he were to sleep with her then she'd sleep terribly. Will he miss out or be disadvantaged? I don't think so :O)

Like breastfeeding, it's a personal choice.