Bloody kids

[ruthie]

Ds is in financial dodo's and he wants me to see if I can take out a loan to pay off his credit cards because the bank will not let him remortgage as he he owes so much on his cards. He has always been bad with money being a single parent I use to tell him no I couldn't lend him money for this or that and he would then go to my dad who would lend it to him, this never taught him to cope with money. Him and his girlfriend earn more than me and dh and they waste a lot of it. I feel so cross, I told him no I won't help him but I can hear that he is worried about it, I told him at his age he has to sort it out himself, so why do I feel so bad about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Easties]

your his mum hun thats why you feel bad but like you say he needs to learn to sort things out for himself and learn from mistakes he has made :kisshands:

[Olive_Oil]

aw hun.....thats a horrible situation for all concerned....you are rite though, at some point he has got to stand on his own two feet. i would be cross that they ahve money and waste it even though they owe so much....that takes the pee a bit. and you are feeling bad because you are a nice person....but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind....(((hugs)))

[Appalachia]

:comfort:

Don't feel bad, you're doing the right thing. Some kids need to learn the hard way.

[bikemad]

You feel bad cos your his mam but you are doing the right thing hun.:alright:

[smirnoff]

you are doing the right thing... he has to learn to manage his money better xx

[emmalouise]

i agree, giving money won't help in the long term, because it'll only happen again.xxx

[Lemon]

I'm dreading this age and these sorts of problems. Probably because we have been there ourselves and know how much a bit of help means. Still you are right to stick to your guns.

[Catkin]

You are doing the right thing hun, but you are bound to feel bad about it

x x x

[ruthie]

I'm dreading this age and these sorts of problems. Probably because we have been there ourselves and know how much a bit of help means. Still you are right to stick to your guns.

The thing is if money were no object for me of course I would help, with conditions, but I only earn without overtime about £350 a month which is fine as dh has just enough for mortgage etc but when I was bringing them up alone for 10 years we went without if we couldn't afford it we didn't have it and they were brought up to understand you saved for things you wanted if you couldn't afford it then unfortunatly you couldn't have it, so don't know why he is like he is!!! Having only been married for just over a year ,for the first time in my adult life really I no longer have to worry about money (I'm 48) and its such a weight off my shoulders. I know he says he will pay the loan religiously but what if he doesn't. He was of course thinking the remortgage would pay everything off now they can't get that he is really worried. The thing is him and his girlfriend have mega dear cars, the ones in the first fast and furious film, superetsose (well sounds something like that) have told him to sell them first, they both get free public transport through their jobs and they could get rid of sky about £30 a month saved. I could get a loan but I don't want the worry of it but I feel so mean because I know what a relief the help would be for them. I hate feeling worried about him as well, you might think it gets easier when they get older just a new set of worries, kids who have em!!

[nicholamarie]

if they have both got money coming in and are wasting it instead of paying the bills then you are doing the right thing.
do they both need fancy cars??????
you will feel bad you are mum, but like you say if they have money coming in and waste it how will you be 100% sure he will pay the loan, thats a debt you dont want to be stuck with.

good luck but i think you are doing the right thing

[sab_100]

If he is serious about clearing his debt then he needs to reasses the situation (easier said than done!) if you take a loan out for him then it isnt the same as him having the responsibility. My Mum and Dad did it for my brother and it went terribly pear shaped. If he really does need help and cant pay the bills then he could try CCCS who are a charity debt councilling co that liase on your behalf with your creditors. He will need to provide income and outgoings but 99.9% of the time they will arrange for the creditor to stop the credit but they arent like the dubious nasty co's out there that charge a fee. Good luck and stick to your guns!!

[Appalachia]

He realy does sound like he's living beyond his means. Even if he was counting on a re-morgage to cover his 'wants'. My grandmother had a saying, "don't count your chickens before they hatch." She was a wise old gal.

Don't give in, no matter how bad you feel. You'd be doing him a disservice if you do. If he doesn't learn this lesson now, how will it be for him when you're not around anymore to play safety net for him? You are doing him a huge favore by making him pick up these pieces himself.

Hang in there.