Grrrrrrrrr, my dh is pushing it!!

[duck_egg]

He is now fast asleep on the floor after giving me a b*llocking on how i do things! this is a recurring problem where he doesn't get why i'm not fanatical about being organised, he told me off the other day for leaving dd's lunchbox in the car cos when i got home there was someone at the door! we had a major row over that and he won't let it go. he is super efficient at most things and will take my mug to wash it before i've even finished my tea, whereas having been a single mum for 3 years before i met him i understand the joy of 'leaving it til tomorrow' i must admit i am disorganised but never late (for important things like getting the kids to school) yet he puts on his parental voice to me and says "if you'd just done that lastnight" or "if you'd put it away like i'd said" yet he is the worst for 'putting things away' and not knowing where he put them just because he can't stand anything being 'in view'
to top it all off he doesn't like me having friends and the thought of me meeting anyone off here would cause a massive row. i have moved here to be with him but when i was single i had lots of friends, i had a social life and spoke to my sister daily, he has even got funny over the fact that i have had a days holiday from work to take my sister to the hospital next week! he is very insecure and i understand that but how long to i have to live by his rules for? i miss my friends from where i used to live and it is only 15 miles away but when we bought my car for me to get to work and back he told me, "it's not for you to go running to tamworth all the time in!" well, i've told him, i miss my sister and my friends and being married does not mean i have to spend all my time with him, he hates me being on here and i've told him maybe it's a substitute for the friends i used to have and interact with daily, i am a sociable person and don't like to be told how and when i can do things!
sorry for the very long rant, i wouldn't mind, only we have ended up in the pub again today as the kids aren't here, don't get me wrong, i love going to the pub but i have had to have pop so one of us can drive! it's not fun! now cos he's had a beer he's said his piece and promptly fallen asleep! i love going out with other people, i wouldn't mind drinking pop as it's a laugh to go out as a group but he takes it as a personal insult that i don't want to spend tme with just him (we spend every evening together) what do i do!!!!!!!!:hissyfit:

sorry, again for the very long rant! and well done if you read it all! thanks for listenening, i sometimes just need a sounding board!!!
xx xx xx xx

[smirnoff]

oh hunni, wish i had the magic, cure but i dont!!

HAve you tried talkingto him ??? what about writing it down??

[nicholamarie]

i've never had this problem with my hubby. how long have you been married? were you together long before you married him, has he always been like this.

my sister in laws EX hubby was like this and she had enough of him handing out the rules he got worse after they married and tried to stop her visiting her family all the time.

hope you can sort things out

[sanjan]

he does come acros as though he is trying to be controlling and if you don't manage to nip it in the bud then you may find that you will have no life of your own at all.

we all need to do our own thing sometimes be it see family or friends, so out occaisionally and even if you are married to someone you are not joined at the hip 24/7.

[ruthie]

He sounds a bit like a control freak to me, is there anyway you can make him see how suffocating he is being? I have felt a bit suffocated by my dh as I was a single parent and on my own for many years and he couldn't understand that I need time on my own, I am use to that I don't want to spend all my time with him I don't need too to feel secure in the relationship. We have had some arguements about me coming on here and at one stage I felt I wouldn't be able to stand it anymore, what with him and the attitude of my sd. He would never try to stop me seeing my family and friends though, I have told him he needs to find something to do for himself, an interest to do on his own, is there anything your dh could find to do? He is a lot better now but it took quite a few arguements and talking.

[sal1]

Hugs elly i hope you get this sorted xx

[Sluff]

Oh Elly, poor you. He does sound very very insecure.

I don't have any magic answers for you, really wish I did. Apart from sitting down and talking to him when he's not in one of his controlling moods and telling him it's got to stop.

:kissykiss

[duck_egg]

we have just had a talk as he read what i wrote, he has suffered with depression and paranoia in the past and this is something we've worked on with the doctor but after we got married things were great, just recently he has been very insecure about things. i have been to see my mum this afternoon and he didn't want to come, he has decided it's best for me to carry on and do things that i need to do, such as visit my friends and family, i would like to do this together but he doesn't want to. i have suggested we go back to the docs together and sort something out, we are a wonderful couple when things are good and we adore eachother so i know it's something we can work on and fix. thanks for all your feedback guys, i think from now on it's all about talking and working with the docs to sort something out. xx xx xx xx xx

[BabyBanana]

Can you arrange to have certain "dates" with him so rather than just spending every evening with him, you go out together and have a nice meal, compliment each other and make an effort.... and in return you have a girly night with your sis and friends. Relationships are all about give and take at the end of the day.

He HAS to understand you need your family and friends and even if he can't understand he'll have to deal with it otherwise he'll end up pushing you away.

DF wouldn't dream of telling me i can't see my sisters or friends... i'd tell him where to go mind!

Definitely something that needs to be talked about. He is being very childish saying you can't use the car he bought to travel to tamworth... WTF is the point in having a car if you can't visit people.

Does he have any friends? I mean close bloke mates? siblings? could he be jealous?

awww I hope you sort it out hun x

[NikiJ]

Hugz men are a pain in the arse! I am like you and my hubby is a little fanatical about things being tidy etc, he knows he has to put up with a little untidyness from me its just how I am, who wants to live in a show home?

Tidy but lived in is my fav!

Niki
xxx

[kel1ie]

ive neber had thos problem with my hubby either. all i can suggest is try talking to him civalised sit him down when hes in a good mood and the kids are in bed and turn the telly off so he cant get destracted.

if worse comes to the worse and you think that what youve got to say is gonna cause a row if you stick around then just say what you got to say and then say right im off out for a bit to let you think on it

trust me that pften works if your not there to row over it you will find it will turn over in there head and 9 times out of 10 it works

[Appalachia]

My first Dh was controlling like that and it only got worse as the years progressed. He became physicaly agressive. I finally had to kick him to the curb so to speak. Now I have zero tolerance for controlling men. I doubt I'm sounding very possitive atm and for that I appologize. But when a man is trying to distance you from friends and family, that's a warning sign. As are the honeymoon periods. If you're familure with that term. They go from absolutely intolerable to all sweet, apologetic and agreeable.

IMHO, you should try to get him to go into counciling w/you. If he refuses, I'd let him go. Life is far too short to spend it walking on eggshells.

[Appalachia]

I want to add also, as a point of fact, they only have as much power over us as we allow them to have.

I hope you can sort this out. I know it's a difficult situation.