Dealing with tantrums

[mariesmummy]

Anyone who knows me will know that I try to AP where ever possible, but DD is starting to have tantrums, and I am just not sure how to deal with them. AT the moment I am going for a 'well, this is the rule, you are not having...' or whatever, but offering a hug and reassuring her that I do love her even though i am not letting her have what ever she wants.

She had a real doozy of a trantrum yesterday, but I think that might have been because MIL was trying to bribe her to stop (if you stop I will get you some chocolate etc.)

Any advice? apart from magically change her either back into a baby or to an older child who is past the tratrum stage :lol:

[lisa1980]

hi marie how old is dd? hollie used to have bad tantrums such as throwing herself on the floor in public when she couldnt get her own way.

I found the best wat to deal with tantrums was to ignore them it is hard as u want to give in and give them what they want but in the long run if u ignore it and dont give into her u will find she will give up as she is getting nowhere. HTH lisa :D

[bikemad]

Ds went thru the tantrum stage now he is at the answering back n chopsing back stage!!!!

I tried all sorts,time out,removeing things he liked,you name it.Think it is a case of working thru things till you find what works as all kids are diffrent.

For me ive found being grounded for the day works a treat but that depends on the age of the child really.

BTW me being dull-what is AP? :question:

[mariesmummy]

Thanks for the advice. to answer your q's DD is 2 (just - it was her birthday on wednesday) and AP stands for attachment parenting.

Cheers

Lisa

[Girlzmum]

Madam throws really big wobblers so I can sympathise with you, she's been doing it since she turned 1 (last April). TBH I just tell her mummy doesn't do tantrums and ignore her, which is very hard as she tends to headbutt things or smack me. I'm praying it's a phase that will pass soon as I've been dealing with them for nearly a year now. Fingers crossed your dd comes out of the phase really soon and if not you can always rant to me about it!

[blueberry]

I think my DS has started throwing tantrums when he was just 9 months old. :angry-smiley-044: When he's angry he would flail his arms and kick around and scream! :angry-smiley-044: I don't know how to contain that! I can't tell him anything cos he can't understand it and when I scream he'll stop what he's doing and stare at me like I'm a zoo display!!! Aaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!!! :angry-smiley-044: :angry-smiley-044:

[naturalnursery]

It is very hard when they throw tantrums in public. Luckliy, ours have been few and far between but doesn' make it any easier when it happens.

I found the worst place was the supermarket then realised that it was because we were going when H got home from work - he would stay in the car and we just bundled in and went straight off - and it was that she wanted to spend some with daddy.

If you can work out a pattern of what is causing them, it really does help.

Arabella

[christine]

My son had the worst temper tantrums ever when he was three,god it was awfull and I did handle things all the wrong way.
I have read quite a few books and watched a few programmes only because I did'nt want to make the same mistakes with my girls.
The only advice I can give is ingnore the tantrums,when u give attention to kids when they are playing up they are getting attention for bad behaviour,praise them when they are being good,even when they are just watching t.v praise them.
This way they learn that they just want posative attention from there parents.
Good luck and they do grow out of it.

[Katiequiggle]

You have to absolutely just ignore them while they are having tantrums. My dd is still having the odd one a week and she is 6 now and I find that the best thing is to tell her straight when she starts that I don't intend talking to her while she is throwing a fit and when she's calmed down I will give her a cuddle, then I do as I said and I get on with something or give the other one lots of attention. Her fits can last for a couple of hours and whilst I am keeping an eye to make sure that she isn't doing anything to hurt anyone, (she wont hurt herself, she's not that stupid) I am still ignoring the tantrum.

When she was little and had them when we were out I used to ignore them if she was in a buggy or shopping trolley, if she was walking and did the throwing herself on the floor routine I used to pick her up and put her under my arm and carry on with what I was doing. One old lady even gave me a round of applause for it once.

Just stick with it and hopefully she will grow out of it. If you acknowledge it she will have won and you will be back at square one.

LOts of cuddles after she has come out of it though.

Love Kate

[christine]

I agree,u sound like your doing a great job :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: good for u.

[angeleyes]

:Hello2:, when dd1 is throwing a paddy, i try my best to ignore her, until it gets to the point where she is either hurting me her sister or even herself, then i pick her up and put her in her bedroom until she calms down, after a couple of times she then realised what i was doing so now i have found i only have to threaten her with it and she normally calms herself down, mind you she is very good and i havent had to deal with a tantrum outside the house yet, so i am not sure how i will deal with that one, cross that bridge when i come to it i think, :crossfingers: it doesnt happen for a while yet, hth x x

[sammixi]

I agree with the "leave them to get on with it"way of thinking the only thing I do is move mine to a safer place... no cupboard corners etc. I had a real problem with Tantrums when we were out then I saw a program with a female child behavior expert...Tanya somebody( can't remember full name). She showed a technique to safely restrain your child against your body you just hold them and don't say anything til they calm down and shock horror it worked.......now thank god tantrums are few and far between!

[choice]

Ignoring is the most effective way. Withdrawing eye contact etc and when the tantrum stops that is when you reward with the hugs, attention etc
HTH
Vicki
x

[blueberry]

My DS has begun to have more awful tantrums than I last posted! And it usually happens when he doesn't get what he wants. I just ignore his tantrums (sometimes I told him he can't have that and I'm not gonna bother with his screams). Well it hasn't stopped him from having more tantrums but at least they don't last long (only a few minutes)!

[trogette]

Ignoring the tantrum does work (to reduce the number of tantrums) but it's not very AP! LOL It's all about communication, isn't it? If you're ignoring them when they tantrum, what are you saying? 'Mummy isn't going to help you when you're beside yourself with frustration' maybe?

Trying to figure out what the major causes of the tantrums are is a useful thing. The 'not getting what he wants' thing, perhaps it's possible to find another way to acheive what he wants? Or maybe it's actually something that's not worth battling about anyway? Do they have to get dressed? Do they have to wait until lunchtime or can they have a snack now? Or distract the want to something else? Common flashpoints are hunger, thirst and tiredness so keeping them regularly topped-up and reducing stimulation at certain times (if you can identify a pattern to them) can help.

I know 2 preschool-age girls who both 'go off on one' when they *think* they're going to be stopped from getting something, even before they find out either way :rolleyes:

[Louby]

Ignore, ignore, distract, distract..Signing has always helped too.

Louby x

[xmisscx]

Ignoring is the most effective way. Withdrawing eye contact etc and when the tantrum stops that is when you reward with the hugs, attention etc
HTH
Vicki
x

I totally agree! :yes:

[madmoo75]

i have renamed my young man the tantrum king at the mo as he is always as it and it really does myhead in. i have just started to ignore him and talk to my other one when he does it and eventually he calms down and acts as if nothing happened.

i think you just have to do what you have to do without giving in, i have tried counting to 5, naughty step etc

jo