nasty petty stepmother or fair enough?

[ruthie]

Before sd wakes up and WW3 starts and I being picky? She washed her bedding, I'm not worthy of doing her washing its all done by her. She will not put her washing on the line or on the radiators if they are on (has had major hissyfit if I put it on either) and so has taken the airer into her room and drys it on there! Anyway she had hung her bedding over the bannister and down the stairs, i removed it and put on the radiators (cold ones) she must have got up after I went to bed and put it back, I have put back on the radiators!. I don't want washing hung over the bannisters it is something I have never done and looks unslightly.
I know she winds me up and so know it makes me childish sometimes her dad won't back me up as he thinks it doesn't matter. Tell me, honestly, if I am being childish and it shouldn't matter or as the wife and adult in this house how I want it run, within reason should be what goes?.

[Easties]

i dont think you are being petty at all hun its your house so she should follow your rules whatever those rules may be its called respect at the end of the day !!!!!

[Ravenfire]

She sounds like a right little madam, personally I would definitely put my foot down and tell her you are not having it. Sounds to me like she thinks she can get away with doing what she wants and I think you really need to take a stand and let her know that you are the adult and in charge in your house!

[runragged]

OMG no, you're not being petty, she sounds like a right little brat!

What's wrong with putting her washing on the line or the radiators like other people?

:ac39:

[Jen]

I would tell her to go to the laundrette; if her washing is too good to share a washing line then I would say it was too good to use the same washing machine.
I wouldn’t allow any of her wet washing hanging around the house, she is well out of order…how old is she?

[smirnoff]

you are not being petty.. stand up for your rights or she will walk all over you!!!!!

[runragged]

I would tell her to go to the laundrette; if her washing is too good to share a washing line then I would say it was too good to use the same washing machine.

That's a fair point! :clapping:

[kathyhinsh]

I just asked dh wot he thinks, as I'm the step-mum in r house, & up til he was working f/t ss was doing his own washing.....
He backs u hun, & said ur dh should 2!
We both think u should take a firm stand with ur sd as she's taking the p*** out of u.

[ruthie]

I would tell her to go to the laundrette; if her washing is too good to share a washing line then I would say it was too good to use the same washing machine.
I wouldn’t allow any of her wet washing hanging around the house, she is well out of order…how old is she?


She's 15. Thanks for the replies but I have put it back, texted husband to explain I had put back on the radiators and told him I expected him to back me up and he replied to say that she had grown with the bannister being used to hang washing over thats why she and he (just got him to stop hanging wet used towels over) do it. Told him that as the wife and adult female in the house i had stupidly thought that i would be running the house but that if there is something I don't like it never seems to matter. That i forgot it wasn't my house.
He can bl***y ring all he likes, i'm not speaking to him:no:

[smirnoff]

what a twat! Doesnt he realise that this is exactly the kind of issue that is going to drive a HUGE wedge between the pair of you???
Which imho is why she is doing it...
Stand firm hunni... you need to..

[kathyhinsh]

HEAR HEAR!!

[Katiequiggle]

I think that it is great that she is doing her own washing, my children will be doing their own washing at that age too. However, I feel that especially since it's not raining outside and the radiators are not turned on, she should either, put it on the line outside which is the most ecological and ecconomical way of drying washing or take it to the launderette to dry it in the tumble dryer. I certainly wouldn't have wet washing hanging around in my house in this weather.

It's a bit like when I toddler throws a tantrum, you wouldn't give in to it then and you shouldn't give into it now, let her win this one and she'll win them all.

Good luck.

Hugs Kate

[ruthie]

Just had to speak to, dh, (and I say those words losely!) as he rang on sd phone, he just cannot understand my point of view at all, basically told him if he wanted nothing to change and the house to be run as his first wife did perhaps they should have stayed with her (hasten to add didn't meet until they had parted). How do I get him to realise how it makes me feel when I feel I have no say over things like this? It's usually silly little things like this not matters of life and death but it all builds up e.g like sd cousin coming down for the day as he has started doing, I don't mind him coming but would like sd just to ask when he phones up if it is ok, it's just manners sometimes I feel like I'm just a lodger.

[Netty]

I can understand how you feel - but I suppose if it is something she has "always" done - she will resent you for 'moving in and changing things'.

Can you have a family meeting and decide what is and is not appropriate. ie she can do her own washing - but either dries it outside or in her room... that sort of thing.

[ruthie]

I can understand how you feel - but I suppose if it is something she has "always" done - she will resent you for 'moving in and changing things'.

Can you have a family meeting and decide what is and is not appropriate. ie she can do her own washing - but either dries it outside or in her room... that sort of thing.


Would work if dh would back me up but he doesn't understand my point of view!

[kathyhinsh]

my dh also said she should bl***y dry the stuff in her room, if that's where she uses the airers!!
(Sorry!)

[Ellie]

Sorry, really don't see the harm in letting her do it - whats the harm? You may not like it, but she may prefer it that way - there are many things in life to worry about but laundry shouldn't be one of them!

[ruthie]

Sorry, really don't see the harm in letting her do it - whats the harm? You may not like it, but she may prefer it that way - there are many things in life to worry about but laundry shouldn't be one of them!


I guess there is no harm in it,(though can't do the wood much good) I just don't like it, have never done it and think it looks unsightly. The washing should be on the line or on the radiator if raining, she may perfer it that way and when she owns her own home she can do it but until then I don't want wet bedding hanging down my stairs.

[essexgirl]

i dont think ur being petty it might not be your house but it ur home hope you get thing's sorted

[MrTempleDene]

Before making a huge fuss about it with SD you really do need to get DP on your side, otherwise SD will see that what she is doing is working!

Can you drag him out to the pub or something for a private chat?

[Ellie]

Sorry, am not following this too well - did you move into the house she was already living in?

[MrTempleDene]

Hmmm, maybe that came out wrong, by "making a huge fuss" I'm not implying you are in the wrong, personally I think you have every right to want your home your way. And I don't think you are being in the slightest unreasonable, if it really upsets you then you need to speak out.

[Netty]

How about buying her a tumble dryer for birthday/christmas pressie? - as long as she lets you use it for your stuff (separately, of course, lol)

I think it is great that she wants to do her own washing - but needs to compromise with letting other things in the machine and agreeing where they should be dried.

[mumsiejudy]

Personally I think she is doing it as she knows it winds you up. I think it would be a good idea for you to have a private word with dp and then have a round the table talk over this and any other differances there might be. Ask dp if you are meant to consider the house as your home where you look after him and sd and does that mean you can have your own house rules or do you have to abide by those made by his 1st wife. I agree with everyone else though that if the weather is fine washing should be out on the line and I would never have washing hung over the rails as it is bad enough when one has to have it over the radiators when the weather is bad. I think the suggestion of the laundrette is a good one.

[TopKat]

I would tell her to go to the laundrette; if her washing is too good to share a washing line then I would say it was too good to use the same washing machine.
I wouldn’t allow any of her wet washing hanging around the house, she is well out of order…how old is she?

Laundrette definately..........If she can't play by your rules in your house charity shop the lot.

No time for little madams, when she pays your rent/mortgage then she gets a say in household policy. Till then she's a squatter!!!! LOL!

Sounds like she is being a brat....No one with a brain in their head, unless all washing space is taken thinks the bannister is the place to hang their pants!:hysterica

[TopKat]

Hmmm, maybe that came out wrong, by "making a huge fuss" I'm not implying you are in the wrong, personally I think you have every right to want your home your way. And I don't think you are being in the slightest unreasonable, if it really upsets you then you need to speak out.

Not replying to yer quote...although you do raise a good point.

Just wanted to say...if you have a David Tennant looking time lord hiding in that Tardis of yours, could you drop him off at mine?
My dh is on nights and I'm kinda bored.
:laugh:

[MrTempleDene]

Sorry, only me in my Tardis, and netty would kill me if I popped up to Scotland after she read that. :D

And I'm no David Tennant. :no:

Perhaps I could recomend a good book instead? :hysterica

[Rhianydd]

its your house you are the adult she should follow your rules

[WriterMum]

How about buying her a tumble dryer for birthday/christmas pressie? - as long as she lets you use it for your stuff (separately, of course, lol)

I was thinking that, too.

Or maybe you could buy a dryer now for everyone to use, sort of a household expense.

[ruthie]

I know some of it is my problem, Ive been thinking why i have a problem with what to others may seem petty things, for years we lived in a council house with no central heating and in winter we always had wet washing hanging around over the fire guard etc, I hated it, also the fact she puts the washing machine on for four things, we had an electric pre payment meter and had to go careful otherwise we would run out. She just helps herself to things, food etc being a single parent family money was always short and my three even to this day wll say, mum is it ok if i have a cake etc I know its not all my fault she is sadly lacking in manners, respect for others property or her elders but I guess i can't expect dh and sd to understand where me and my kids come from.

[smirnoff]

I know some of it is my problem, Ive been thinking why i have a problem with what to others may seem petty things, for years we lived in a council house with no central heating and in winter we always had wet washing hanging around over the fire guard etc, I hated it, also the fact she puts the washing machine on for four things, we had an electric pre payment meter and had to go careful otherwise we would run out. She just helps herself to things, food etc being a single parent family money was always short and my three even to this day wll say, mum is it ok if i have a cake etc I know its not all my fault she is sadly lacking in manners, respect for others property or her elders but I guess i can't expect dh and sd to understand where me and my kids come from.
but as your dh he should be supporting you!!!!!! If my oh didnt support me then there would be hell to pay!! I cannot believe that you have no support from him over this....... Surely you have the right to be happy and in control as the "woman of the house!!" Something needs to be done, or if you are anything like me then it is the little things that will eventually cause meltdown... big things always seem more tackle-able, but its the little things that eat away....

I hope that he sees sense.. or show him this thread??? I dunno, but good luck hun....

[Ravenfire]

You definitely need the support from your DH and I agree with Smirnoff - I would be furious if my DH didnt back me over things like that.

At the end of the day you are not her servant and its your home and she should abide my your rules. I would certainly not have any of my children doing that and the same would apply for my SS - why should you have washing draped over your house - added to which damp washing on wood is never a good idea!

The problem is that all those petty little things do add up - and what may seem petty to others becomes a big thing to you as life is a constant fight!

Maybe you should suggest RELATE to your DH as they are supposed to be very good at issues with extended families as well.

[smirnoff]

i agree

[TopKat]

Sorry, only me in my Tardis, and netty would kill me if I popped up to Scotland after she read that. :D

And I'm no David Tennant. :no:

Perhaps I could recomend a good book instead? :hysterica

Will stick with my Dr Who dvds then!!!!!:hysterica

[mumsiejudy]

At the end of the day though surely your dh and dsd should appreciate the fact that you are and have taken them both under your wing together with your own children and that you do care for them both together with doing the shopping, baking, cleaning, the cooking... the list goes on and on and on.