men!!!!!!!! sorry a bit long

[emma_buzz]

daves driving me mad at the min to the point i just want to throw him out for good. i was in the hospital for a few days last week and when i came home there were dirty dishes and i mean a sink full, clothes lying all over the house, he hadnt even hoovered. well i went mad and kicked him out. he went to his mams who he hasnt seen in a while and he hates her guts. he came home the next day and said sorry ex and i let him come home but now he's just doing my head in. he wont do anything in the house or with the kids he doesnt work weekends and wouldnt even come to the hospital this morning for davids check and i had to take ella because he couldnt be bothered. my mam has to look after ella when im in the hospital with david because dave wont. and the check of it he shouted at me before and i mean really shouted because i was crying. i mean im sorry for being stressed but our 2 year old baby boy has cancer and we dont know where we stand with it! im at the hospital every day, i have to do all the house work, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and i have a ***** for a boy friend. i honestly cant cope with him on top of every thing at the min but i dont want to stress david. i dont know what to do i just want him to **** of at the min and not come back.

[Whassat]

""cutey""b ""cutey""b has he always been like that Emma?
its not fair is it, he knows how clean the house should be etc, incase little David catches infections etc....grrrrrrr..has he not done anything since he came back home?

[lizzie]

""cutey""b ""cutey""b oh emma not sure what to say hang in there

[ruthie]

Of course he needs to help more so that you can give your time to caring for your little one without having anything else to worry about, but do you think he shouted because he just feels totally at a loss at how to help you emotionally. I can remember when my ex husband died and my middle daughter was crying and crying for her daddy, I tried everything I could think of to comfort her but I couldn't so in the end out utter dispair I shouted at her and told her, Well she couldn't have her daddy, unforgivable but I couldn't cope anymore at that moment. Just a thought.

[myname]

""cutey""b""cutey""b
It sounds like maybe he feels he's not coping and thinks that copping out will work. Think you need to calmly tell him how his behaviour is making you feel and ask him how he feels about it all and find out why he is unwilling to take responsiblity for his daughter. Maybe he feels all the kids' stuff is the woman's job-plenty of men still do. Then tell him that it isn't humanly possible for you to do all this on your own. I'm afraid men will often try and get away with as much as possible and need you to calmly but firmly put your foot down, as getting upset just makes you look emotional and irrational to them. Easier said than done. My dh is great now, but it took a lot of house training on my part. Sorry you're having such a hard time. Hope things improve xx

[emma_buzz]

""cutey""b ""cutey""b has he always been like that Emma?
its not fair is it, he knows how clean the house should be etc, incase little David catches infections etc....grrrrrrr..has he not done anything since he came back home?
no he used to be ok, never spoitless but not dirty iykwim. its really bugged me because since david got ill ive been paronoid about dirt and germs, i get up at 5 every morning to disinfectant the house before the kids get up and he knows that so coming home to a stinking dirty house is terrible. he hasnt done much since he came home the *****.

[MrTempleDene]

emma, maybe you should get him to see someone, it's possible he's also at the end of his tether over David and isn't coping very well. Men often bottle up stress and refuse to admit to depression because it's not "manly" and if it is depression or something related than for both your sakes and Davids he needs help.

[smirnoff]

emma, maybe you should get him to see someone, it's possible he's also at the end of his tether over David and isn't coping very well. Men often bottle up stress and refuse to admit to depression because it's not "manly" and if it is depression or something related than for both your sakes and Davids he needs help.
i think you are right nettys husband...
i think that he probably isnt coping at all with the situation, i know that when my dp feels like that he burries his head in the sand to everything

[sanjan]

""cutey""b ""cutey""b hun

i agree with the others

maybe you also need to sit him down with a glass of wine and explain what you want him to do to make things less stressful for you and whyit would make a big difference to life in the house.

maybe he needs to have a chat with a good mate as well about what he is gong through as sometimes an outside ear can help

[emma_buzz]

i know i must sound like the biggest bitch im the world but i cant cope with that shit on top of everything im not super woman and he should know that. weve been ok today we went out for our dinner the 4 of us then went to the park for an hour.

[lizzie]

i know i must sound like the biggest bitch im the world but i cant cope with that shit on top of everything im not super woman and he should know that. weve been ok today we went out for our dinner the 4 of us then went to the park for an hour.


""cutey""b ""cutey""b I know this sounds silly but men don't see things like we do maybe write a list for next time , glad you had a good day

[emma_buzz]

""cutey""b ""cutey""b I know this sounds silly but men don't see things like we do maybe write a list for next time , glad you had a good day
i think i might write a list that is. honestly he's harder work than little david

[lizzie]

i think i might write a list that is. honestly he's harder work than little david


Its took 36 years but i'v now worked out MEN are harder work than kids hang in there emma ((((hugs)))

[mumsiejudy]

Sorry, its taken me 41 years to realise that. Maybe my brain (what's left of it) works things out much slower than you younger ones. I think he is behaving in a most unforgiveable way. You have more than enough on your plate and he should realise that however he is feeling. Sorry, I don't believe in making excuses for men who don't help. After all, it's his house and children as well and he should contribute to both. I expect you have tried all the usual stuff about talking to him when the children are in bed and explaining to him yet again how important it is to keep the house clean and reasonably tidy. You could always give him the choice of either helping or moving out albeit temporary until your son has recovered.

[MrTempleDene]

I've worked out very quickly that computers are worse than kids, does that count?

Seriously though emma, from what you've said it sounds like you are both not coping with the situation very well, please suggest to him that you get some 1on1 time (not sex) to chat, and if he won't open up than seriously, if you want to stay together, get some outside help, ring relate for example.

It does sound like he's retreating into a shell because he can't cope and you (if you don't mind me saying) also sound like that stress is really getting you down as well.

You need each other now, and you need to talk, even if that means using a third party so you can bitch about each other. You've got mumszone to vent on, what has your DH got? are his friends emotionally grown up enough to help him, or are they typical "blokes"?

Thinking of you and hoping you can work things out.

[Furbee]

oh hunny. he sound like hes being a bit of a git to me. you're both under a lot of pressure with little david and you'd think that he would be able to understand this, but at the end of the day sugar, he's a man and they dont tend to let their feelings out like us girlies do they.
i can see why you dont want to throw him out and upset the kids especially at the moment, and im not sure that its the best thing to get rid in the long run.

it could be that he cant find a way to tell you that hes feeling it aswell and his 'male pride' is kicking in.

sending you hugs to hopefully cheer you up though. ""cutey""b

[smirnoff]

I've worked out very quickly that computers are worse than kids, does that count?

Seriously though emma, from what you've said it sounds like you are both not coping with the situation very well, please suggest to him that you get some 1on1 time (not sex) to chat, and if he won't open up than seriously, if you want to stay together, get some outside help, ring relate for example.

It does sound like he's retreating into a shell because he can't cope and you (if you don't mind me saying) also sound like that stress is really getting you down as well.

You need each other now, and you need to talk, even if that means using a third party so you can bitch about each other. You've got mumszone to vent on, what has your DH got? are his friends emotionally grown up enough to help him, or are they typical "blokes"?

Thinking of you and hoping you can work things out.

Oh b*gger im going to agree with nettys husband again... I think this is very much the case. No one can blame either of you, i for one dont know how you cope with all the stress and pressure and worry that you are both under.. I think that talking to someone has to help, but men find this harder than us women.. its just "not done" which is b*ll*cks.. You need to spend some quality time together, just you two. Tell him how frightned you are about whats happening and that you want to stay together (if you do) and then tell him what you need. My dp needs constant prompting to do anything such as clear the plates after dinner, picking stuff up.... he just "doesnt see it" the same way that i do......
love nad hugs to you em....

[emma_buzz]

I've worked out very quickly that computers are worse than kids, does that count?

Seriously though emma, from what you've said it sounds like you are both not coping with the situation very well, please suggest to him that you get some 1on1 time (not sex) to chat, and if he won't open up than seriously, if you want to stay together, get some outside help, ring relate for example.

It does sound like he's retreating into a shell because he can't cope and you (if you don't mind me saying) also sound like that stress is really getting you down as well.

You need each other now, and you need to talk, even if that means using a third party so you can bitch about each other. You've got mumszone to vent on, what has your DH got? are his friends emotionally grown up enough to help him, or are they typical "blokes"?

Thinking of you and hoping you can work things out.
you know what you do talk a lot of sense. i think im going to let him read this and see if that works it might make him realise he needs to talk and i need help. ive already suggested he talks to the clic sargent worker (it support for parents when there children with cancer) the workers a man and thought it might be better for him but he wont. maybe reading this thread might wake him up

[smirnoff]

go with it emma... hope it works....

[Icedodge58]

:iagree: :wub:
Lots of hugs for u Em u must be finding it really hard we are all here when u want to let off lots of steam :kissykiss

[MrTempleDene]

Thanks emma, I was a little worried after I wrote that that it came over too preachy.

Here's hoping you can work it out, no, scratch that, here's knowing you WILL work it out between you.