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No I didn’t actually plan to have 8 children, I didn’t actually plan to have my own business, and I don’t think I'm mad, well not really mad, slightly frayed around the edge perhaps, very slightly what my Gran would call ‘away with the fairies’ maybe.
 
The usual comments I get are a hoot, I mean everyone is funny and so original, “don’t you have a TV?” Well yes we do have a TV – last count was 6 I think.  Don’t you know what family planning is – of course I do, I plan their meals, their washing and ironing and the summer holiday – perhaps you didn’t mean that kind of family planning.
 
I'm not a Catholic – they don’t get any more privileges than the rest of us, so I don’t see the point thanks. And yes Christmas and birthdays can be expensive but who doesn’t think that?
 
Supermarket shopping? You can keep that for a game of marbles – I don’t do supermarkets unless I'm really feeling exceptionally brave, and its not the thought of shopping for 10, I’ve never liked doing it ask my Husband the ‘supermarket shopping king’ since we got together 19 years ago! Well truthfully neither of us go now unless absolutely forced, we use the PC after all that’s what God gave us the internet for.
 
We must like kids, not a lot of point having them is there, I mean why have children and have your house turned into a disaster zone, your sleep pattern disturbed and your sex life on hold unless you like kids. Well the sex bit might be a slight exaggeration for us I suppose I mean we have done it at least 8 times and generally its not always produced a baby. So yes we do like children, they are brilliant pretty well most of the time, apart from the terrible twos, the tiresome threes, the fretful fours and that’s all before we get to the hormones. I wont even begin to mention the teenage years, Harry Enfield only touched on the tip of the iceberg what living with a teenager is, his portrayal Kevin and Perry were angels, positively wonderful compared to real life teenagers, fortunately we have an old house and the doors are a little too heavy to actually slam hard.
 
Some one once asked if I liked giving birth? Hello you mean that you think I really enjoy being in pain, and passing something bigger than a bowling ball through a small opening in my body – no I don’t actually like giving birth, I do like however the drugs that come free if you beg pathetically enough, I love screaming abuse at my other half because I know I can get away with it for a few hours.  But what I adore the most is the end result – 9 months of sheer hard work and what do I produce? A pink squealing hungry masterpiece, a work of sheer beauty and excellence. Nothing and no one else can produce such beautiful children – well ok that’s the drugs talking and I don’t feel like that much later when the pink thing is clamped on to a sore boob, or I feel that sleep is only for the blessed.
 
And so time moves on, life with children has its advantages, you get to understand what living on the breadline is like, you get to develop a taste for cold meals, your car is the family taxi, many parents develop a lasting relationship with their medical centre and are on first name terms with the receptionist at the local A&E – in our case I think we have our own chairs, I'm pretty sure that there is a doctor with our name on just in case we turn up on one of our visits, what would be nice is some kind of loyalty card scheme, I think we may have racked up enough points for a trip to Bognor this holiday alone.
 
So what possessed me to start a business? Madness I think, possibly boredom, may have even been drunk at the time and I thought it was a good idea. Whichever I wouldn’t change it, I'm still that mad woman with all those kids, just now I'm that mad woman with all those kids who runs her own cloth nappy business, the word cloth is generally said in italics, mostly because many people think that cloth nappies is a little hippy, earth mother-ish, well having been a hippy earth mother (ish) for 18 years hasn’t done me any harm….. might have lost a few brain cells to the labour drugs, may even be a little skewed from lack of sleep…..
 
I maybe mad – but I'm happy and 9 wonderful people love me in my life – not many folks can say that.
 
 
Kerry Newton
Mum to 8 and owner of http://www.snazzypants.co.uk/