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Are you cutting the mustard as a parent?

I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT

Are you cutting the mustard as a parent?

The term ‘good enough parent’ was adapted from the term ‘good enough mother’ first coined by the eminent child and family psychologist Donald Winnicott. Someone called Bruno Bettelheim did all parents a great service by stating that the job of parenting was to be ‘good enough’ and not to be perfect!

Hoorah!!!

Bettelheim argued that the pursuit of perfection as a parent was fundamentally flawed as it suggested a hope in the parent that a child might be perfect.

Parent coaching company we believe that the notion of perfect parenting is madness and that it is our very fallibility that makes us human and real. Lets face it life is messy and mistakes are made.

So, we will all, us included, make mistakes as parents, probably many of them and not only that, it is absolutely fine to do so.

And, provided that we give generously and warmly of ourselves to our children, provided that we can create a secure and relatively stable environment for them to grow in, guess what, they are able to cope with our mistakes and nine times out of ten learn something from them.

So how come so many parents these days feel ‘not good enough’

Well Bettelheim said in 1988 that:

‘parents feel much more is demanded of them if they are to raise their children successfully in a complicated world: moreover they are obliged to bear this responsibility without much prior experience’.

He went onto describe how extended families have become more and more detached emotionally and physically making it less likely that we look to our own family for advice and that if we seek advice we fear criticism from others.

Is this still true?

We would say yes, Parents today are more stressed and guilt-full than ever. Torn between competing demands of work and family, trying to be perfect in everything they do; producing delightful children, having a successful career, a loving relationship and a home fit for the pages of Elle Décor, whilst striving to be happy, balanced and fulfilled themselves. It is said that we are the have-it-all generation; in fact we’re the do-it-all generation. Sometimes jumping through all these hoops feels like an impossible task.

These days parent suffer from not feeling ‘good enough ‘perhaps more than ever as we live more and more in a society that promotes perfection, a society where more and more experts tell us what to do and how to do it and we shout our mantra: don’t be expert led be child led!’

Learn to trust your intuition and to understand your child that is what leads to good enough parenting.

Our view is that the only fundamental ‘must do’ for parents is to provide time for their parenting, the ‘how to’ then becomes something that is unique to each family rather than a ‘this is the only way to do it’ mantra, that’s why when working with us our clients will get access to many techniques and parenting strategies and we encourage them to be curious as to what will work in their family rather than swallow theories whole.

Since life is messy parent coaching can help to sort the mess. To help clients accept their current reality, get clear on how they want things to be and help them plan to get there.

Ten Ways to be a good enough parent

Doesn’t swallow whole advice from others but carefully considers how and if it is useful for them and their family
Sets aside time for their parenting
Values themselves as a parent
Knows what kind of parent they want to be, how they want to raise their children
Allows herself/himself to make mistakes
Allows there children to make mistakes
Apologises sometimes when they get it wrong
Recognises they have their own needs
Knows that they cant be perfect
Tries to have clear boundaries, follow through on consequences and use praise in there parenting and follows through most of the time.

Sharon Charlton-Thomson is founder of the parent coaching company. She started working with parents and children as a nanny in 1985, and has worked as a qualified coach for seven years. She is has been a group facilitator for The National Pyramid Trust, a charity that helps children to fulfil their potential in school and in life. She holds a postgraduate diploma in facilitating emotional literacy is trained in family and systemic psychotherapy and is a member of the International Coaching Federation. Sharon’s work has been featured in the National Press, Parenting Press and national Radio.

The parent coaching company provides an extensive programme of one to one coaching, group coaching and workshops, covering topics such as Raising Confident Children; Sibling Rivalry; Coaching for Balance, Returning to Work and Positive Discipline.

“At the parent coaching company we help our clients in their desire to raise happy, confident children alongside having a really happy life for themselves,” adds Sharon Charlton-Thomson. “Our clients work with us to discover exactly what it is they want to achieve not only as parents but in all areas of their lives and we support them to put this into practice and to parent from confidence rather than doubt.”

“Whatever the age of the children, it may be that you want help in communicating with your child, coping with discipline, reassurance in your parenting, support in simplifying your day-to-day life or raising confidence in returning to the workplace. At the parent coaching company all our coaches are experienced at working with these issues.”

Further information about the parent coaching company can be found on the company’s website, www.parentcoaching.co.uk.
To subscribe to the company’s free monthly newsletter visit the website front page.

Learn to trust your intuition and to understand your child that is what leads to good enough parenting.