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Harry

The night before Harry’s birth was eventful, there was some trouble with our neighbours and I was a bit stressed so went up to bed at about 10ish, Mat had words with my tummy as he was due to go back to work, so he asked Harry if he would arrive the next day.

I woke up at 4:50am with what felt like period pains – I timed them, they were every 10 minutes – I went to the loo and then woke Mat up – I told him his talk with Harry had worked and that I was in labour! It was very exciting but the pains brought it all back, It’s funny how you can forget labour pains so easily after the birth.

I quickly logged onto Mumszone and left a message on the board for my friends to read when they got up in the morning telling them that I was off to the hospital!

We carried on timing the contractions and they dropped to every 5 to 7mins – As I tested positive for GP B strep we had to make sure we were in hospital long enough for me to have IV antibiotics.  We called my mum as she was coming with us and my sister was going to look after Ethan at mums for us.

We woke Ethan up and got him some clothes ready and just left him in his pj’s, slippers and dressing gown.  We told him that he would get to meet his baby brother later that day and explained that we were going over to nanny’s house to have some breakfast together before nanny took mummy and daddy to the hospital to have Harry. He was excited but still half asleep as it was only approx 6:30am!

Mum came over and got us and I went for a shower at her house – the pains were really regular by now and really hurting!! I didn’t want to go into hospital too soon to be sent away but I gave them a call in between pains and they told me to go in- so off we went!

When we arrived we were taken into a labour room and I was put on the monitors – the pains were coming really quickly by then approx 3-4 mins inbewtween, I was examined and was 4cm dilated, I was given the gas and air and then they came in to start up the IV antibiotics, then we were left alone  - still hooked up the monitors.  Mum and Mat were just talking to me- the pains were much worse than I remembered with Ethan as his was quite an easy labour (as easy as labour can be!!) I asked them to push the buzzer as things were really getting tough, they came in and decided to move me to the delivery room and the midwife stayed with us the whole time (I don’t know if that was because of the IV? I assume so). The next part of my labour is a bit of a blur to be honest – it was very very painful and I kept trying to have the gas and air but it made me feel really sick, and all the pethedine did to me was make me all woozy – it wasn’t nice and I remember thinking to myself, why did I do this again!?!

It got to about 11:40 and I was practically begging to be examined as my body was pushing – the midwife told me the baby wasn’t ready to come as my waters hadn’t gone yet – she did however examine me and as soon as she did my waters popped and I was encouraged to push (Im sure if she would have examined me earlier my labour wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did).
I pushed for 15 mins and at 12 noon exactly Harry James Cole Sefton made his entrance into the world, weighing 8lbs 3oz! It was such a relief to have no more pain! Our miracle had finally made it and all was well….wasn’t it?

Harry wasn’t crying, the midwife took him behind the curtain and soon got him going, He was placed directly onto my tummy as I wanted to breast feed – Harry wouldn’t latch on though – he wasn’t interested at all, The midwife tried to latch him on but then took him back off me, she said she would just get the pediatrician to have a look at him – about 30 seconds later in came two pediatricians, I remember sitting up on the bed, they passed Harry back to me, I was waiting for it - I could see their mouths moving but I wasn’t taking anything in, I was just waiting, I knew what they were going to say….then they said it, ‘Have you heard of Down’s Syndrome’  I felt like I was dreaming, I felt like I was in Eastenders (after the Honey and Billy episodes) This wasn’t real, These things didn’t happen to me – they happened to other people, I was just looking at Harry, waiting to wake up, the tears were streaming down my face, My mum came back from calling my stepdad at home – she came over and asked why I was crying – everyone was just looking at me and I was still just waiting to wake up, It couldn’t be real, where was my baby? I didn’t ask for this one, Mine was a ‘normal’ one – this wasn’t happening.

Mum was trying to reassure me, Mat just sat in the chair next to me crying – we had had a discussion about downs syndrome when we had seen the Eastenders storyline, Mat had said to me ‘what would we do if our baby has downs? ‘I answered (innocently/stupidly) ‘we’ve had the tests, it won’t happen to us!’ – It did, it happened, here I was in this hospital with these people ive never even seen before telling me that my son is not ‘normal’ I was so scared, I was shocked, shaking, I was sick, Id just had a baby, our baby, finally after fertility problems we had our miracle and these people had come in and ruined it all – why would they do that to us! It was crazy, very surreal, the strangest time of my life, I cried for a while whilst holding my newborn baby boy, I just watched him, he was lovely, he was here and he was safe.

We were left in the delivery room with people coming in and out to take Harry for bloods for GP B strep and to talk to us until about 3pm, That’s when I finally went up for my shower – Mat had gone to get some air, I later found out that he didn’t take things well at all and was with his mum who had come to the hospital to support us, she managed to talk to him and calm him down – I don’t blame him for his actions that day, I don’t think anyone can judge anyone else when told that your baby is less than perfect. You have an image of Downs syndrome and for the majority of people its not a very nice one.

I was taken for a shower and then we were taken upstairs to a private room, I remember the midwife removing the cannula from my IV antibiotics, and there was blood eveywhere, I didn’t care, I didn’t feel a thing, I was just watching as blood was pouring out of my arm all over the bed – they then stripped off the top cover and sorted it out – I didn’t care I just watched.

I had lots of visitors – all close family like my mum/Mats mum, stepdad, his brother, but Then I spotted Ethan, I felt so guilty, what had I done.   What will having a brother with downs do to his life? He was so happy to see us, so pleased to finally meet Harry, he held him, and talked to him, I just sat with tears streaming down my face.  Life was going to be so different now, for all of us, I just wanted to go home, but because of the GP B strep we had to be kept in for 48hrs so they could monitor Harry, they also wanted to take blood from him to be sent off to Liverpool so that they could do the chromosome test to make sure he definitely had downs.

Everyone went home except Mat, and I cried.  When Mat went I cried again, I cried myself to sleep, I had no idea how I was going to cope, How would I do it? The midwives on the ward that night were lovely, they were so kind and caring but to be honest my mind was still in a blur, Im sure they understood that though.

The next day the bounty lady came in – all sunshine and smiles – I just sat there trying to act ‘normal’ – she took a few pics of Harry and was talking about me ordering them and I just went along with it all – she later found out what was happening and apologised for just coming in without thinking, It was ok though, it made me feel normal for 5minutes.

The paediatrician also came to take Harry for his blood test for the downs – it was awful – they took ages and he screamed, I didn’t go with him, I couldn’t,  I just sat in the chair in my private room and cried. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.

Everyone came to visit again, I was so pleased to see Mat – he could have stayed over but I knew he wanted to go home, and if I was able to I would have as well – he had been shopping, bought Harry a lovely little bear and me a locket to put pics of my boys in, it was like I needed Mat then, and my love for him seemed to grow, I just wanted us all to go home and be happy.

Harry was quite jaudiced and was a poor feeder so was having to be fed every 3 hours, with him taking an hour at a time to have 30mls at most.  I knew they wouldn’t let us go home til he fed better.  I used to sit holding him, willing him to feed properly, he eventually did, I later worked out myself that Harry would put his tongue to the top of his mouth (as lots of children with downs do) nobody told me though, no wonder he wouldn’t feed properly.  We had a lovely midwife on the day shift, her name was Kirsty, she was so helpful and loved Harry to bits…and he always fed properly for her!!

The Tuesday morning I asked about Harrys GP B strep results and they had come back clear – first hurdle to getting home over with, second one was a heel prick for the jaundice – that also came back clear – then he had a bottle, he took 50mls!There was no stopping us! I jumped in the shower and got dressed and called my mum to come pick us up! Finally we were going home, Until we got to the car, then that feeling dissapeared and the fear crept in, I was rehearsing how I would tell people – what would they say? How would they act around us? I was scared again, It was scary enough bringing a new baby home but our new baby was different… All I was given from the hospital was a booklet ‘Your child has downs syndrome’……..

The first night my sister stayed quite late and helped us get organised with bottles etc (Harry never did take to the breast) she helped me bath him and put his sleepsuit on – things I thought I’d be ok with having done it all before, I wasn’t though I second guessed myself over everything.  I was so scared of getting something wrong.

The next day I had a community midwife come visit, not my CM so she didn’t know about Harry having (suspected) downs, she read through all of my notes and was lovely, we had a chat about things and that was that.
 
I was like a first time mum all over again, I worried (and still do) about everything.  Mat went to the shop one day and I was so worried about being on my own with the baby, the shock really knocked me sideways but I was coping, just about.

I called my friend and broke the news, she was so supportive, she was so excited to come meet him, she arranged to come the next day and was great, she really lifted my spirits and reminded me that I could cope, I could do this.

I logged onto mumszone and sent my friend Toni a private message telling her in brief what was going on – she was so supportive, she let the others know for me and I went back in a few days to post some pictures and to tell the rest of the members. I was so relieved with the replies I got, everyone was so supportive, Just as I knew they would be.

When My own CM came out to see us she didn’t know anything about the downs – she came in all happy and I had to tell her myself.  She was so annoyed with the hospital at not knowing as the hospital notes hadn’t gone through to her yet, it was awful having to tell her and I got myself a bit upset again,I was angry, why should I have to tell her, surely things like this should be passed over??

We got over it, then the health visitor turned up – she didn’t know either – I had to tell her, she had none of the booklets/information to give me and was very unprepared,I think she was a bit shocked - welcome to our world!

Harry was quite a snuffly baby and at 2 wks old had his first chest infection,it was horrible, I felt useless.

At 6 weeks old we had an appointment with the cardioligist at the hospital as Harry had a soft murmur (heart defects are very common in children with downs) We went along thinking that eveything would be fine, we’d had our share of shocks and that all would be well - It wasn’t! We found out that Harry has complete atrio ventricular septal defect and he has tetralogy of fallot – he will need corrective surgery at apporox 16-18 months, we have been told that 1 in 20 children will not make it through the surgery, that’s scares me, when we were told of Harry’s heart condition, downs fell into the background, downs is nothing to someone putting a risk on your childs life, I dread Harry’s heart op but it will benefit him in the long run, I know that and I have to keep telling myself.

I have had some fantastic support from all of my family and friends, I don’t know what I would have done had I not had any support network around me, Also my online friends – without Toni in particular I’m sure I would have lost my sanity by now! They are always there to lend an opinion/an ear or just to share a good old moan!
 
Harry is a fantastic little boy who has regular appointments with the pediatrician/heart specialist/speech and language therepist/physiotherepist/health visitor/dental clinic and we also see our own gp in between all that for day to day illnesses due to his lower immune system, Harry’s doing great though, he’s a beautiful baby boy, always has a smile – (unless you have a camera out!) and he has the cutest little laugh.
We wouldn’t be without him!

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